Thoughts of a Thinker

Chapter one

I breath in the aroma of the forest. My breathing comes out shaky which tells me I need to run more often. Each step brings me closer to my destination. The feeling of accomplishment always evident on my runs. The little gap in my day where my horrific thoughts lay rest, and positive ones take over. A spiral of energy runs through my body and the crisp morning air pricks at exposed skin. A feeling of sanity controls me which fuels the release of dopamine in my brain. I propel myself forward, not wanting the run to be over, but wanting the spike of a runners high more intensely.

I turn the corner which marks the ending of the forest. Slowly dread seeps in with thought of the day ahead of me. It's not that I have unpleasant tasks to complete today; but a normal day for most can turn excruciating for me easily.

My heart beats harder in anticipation of what's to come, with the stoppage of my feet. I gradually slow down and find myself standing in front of my door. I open it with ease and step through it. The heat attacks my frozen body and gives me limited comfort. My mom sits at the kitchen table in view of the entrance way. She gazes up from her newspaper and directs her attention towards me.

"Morning Rena, how was your run?" She conveys in genuine curiosity. Without my mom I would be so much worse, which is saying a lot. She knows me more then I know myself and loves me more than I think I deserve. She is one of those miracles in life which make all the difference.

"Good, I need to run more often. Calms my mind," I rush out in exhaustion. I look up at the clock above the table and notice, I don't have much time to get ready. "I'm going to go shower quickly, yell at me if I'm taking too long," I say as I exit the kitchen.

I catch her nod before I climb the stairs to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and see my rugged appearance. The bags under my eyes drawing the most attention. Sleep is something I desperately crave but is impossible under my circumstances. Last night was one of those sleepless nights and it shows on my face and in my posture.

        My eyes are a dark brown like my hair. My cheekbones are high and my eyelashes long and dark. My eyebrows are dark and shaped. I'm about 5'9. My height has always bothered me but I've learned to live with it. I have been told many times of my beauty but know it's not true.

I take off my clothes avoiding the mirror and step into the warm shower. I make the temperature just hot enough to a point which my white skin turns red. The heat relaxes me and distracts me from intruding thoughts as well as other things.

After I'm all washed up I turn off the shower, dry off, and get dressed for the day. I wear black ripped jeans which are cuffed at the bottom paired with a long sleeve, white, knit sweater. I finish it off with black leather vans. I throw on a long soccer jacket and prepare myself for the day.

Walking downstairs I pass my younger brother on the stairs. His hair is a messy black and his eyes a deep shade of blue. I have always been jealous of his vibrant eyes, but I would never tell him that. "Morning," I mumble to him not expecting an answer.

"mhmin," he groans out in annoyance. I roll my eyes and keep walking. Before leaving the house, I yell a good bye to my mom.

The short walk to the nearby school eases my mind and calms my first day jitters. Unsure of what to expect I find myself in the halls of my new school which is buzzing with teenagers. I approach the office doors and before my hand meets the handle, the door flies opened in my direction. I used to think I had good reactions but from down here on the ground, I'm beginning to doubt my athleticism. A small group of girls exit the office. One notices me on the ground and appears by my side with a helping hand extended.

"I'm so sorry!" she exclaims, "are you ok?" The fear and worry on this girl's face are real but I can't help and feel naïve. Here I am, the new girl; flat on the ground while the most gorgeous girl to walk planet earth gazes down at me. Her auburn eyes big and round lead to her cute button up nose and her smiling mouth. Not to mention her perfectly highlighted long hair.

"Don't worry about it, seriously," I say trying to sound convincing. "I'm alright,"I add as I take her hand and jump up from the ground. I dust of my pants and fix my hair nervously. I look up and notice her entire group watching carefully. Then my eyes avert back to her when I realize she's about to say something.

"I'm Ember, you're new here right?" she asks curiously.

"Yeah, this is my first day,"I mention before realizing I never introduced myself. "I'm Rena, it's nice to meet you,"I say with a smile

She motions for her friends to go without her before linking arms with me. "Well Rena, we're going to be great friends, mark my word," she states taking me by surprise. I guess this is going to be easier then I thought. "Now what's your first class? l'll help you find it."

Everything is going better than expected which has me getting worried. After it begins to look like everything is going to be ok, is when I realize it will never be ok. As I walk the halls with Ember, receiving occasional glances, I question, what will corrupt me next?