Life to One

13

Warning! Suicidal thoughts this chapter! You have been warned!

Bella
Now
Bella's POV
I can't believe it... I can't believe it... I can't believe it. I lost my child.  I am currently at the Curtis House because Darry doesn't want me to be alone. Little does he know that won't change anything... I am still no good, not even good enough to carry a child. I can't to this. I sat down at the desk in Pony and Soda's room. And I wrote this letter to Soda:

Dear Soda,
I couldn't do it, I wasn't strong enough to handle it. I was no good, I couldn't even carry a child. So, I am leaving you with Rachel. Take care of her for me. When ss gets older and asks where I am, you tell her that I wasn't strong enough for the both of us. And that she is better off without me. I also wanted you to know that I loved you. But it doesn't matter now, because if you are reading this. I'm dead.

                                                Bella.

I stood up from the desk and put the paper the one place I knew he would find it. I walked down to the DX and handed it to Steve and told him to give it to Soda. I trusted Steve. More than anyone knew I did. He and I were close at one point but we just slipped away from each other. I sprinted back home. I ran a warm bath quickly because I didn't want Soda to try and stop me. I reached into the back of the medicine cabinet and found a bottle of pain pills and a sharp razor. Before I got into the bath I went into the kitchen and grabbed a few bottles of beer. I didn't want this to hurt. I slipped off my clothing and stepped into the bath. I cracked open the first beer and finished it within seconds. Then the second. And third. I felt dizzy. Not normal. Then I opened the pills, I took out 5. You are only supposed to take 1. But like I said, I didn't want it to hurt. By then j could have just fallen asleep and drowned. But I didn't. I slowly picked up the razor and slit. All the way up my arm. Deep. It hurt like hell. So I grabbed the bottle of pills and had 8 in my hand this time. Just as I was about to pop them into my mouth I heard the front door. Then I heard footsteps, pounding. The bathroom door was locked. But I knew it was Soda and he would break the door down. Just as I suspected the door burst open. I put the pills in my mouth and swallowed. "Bella, STOP!" Soda came running in and started gagging me. It was painful. But I managed to cut 2 more times. He eventually noticed the razor and snatched it away, cutting himself in the process. I didn't care though. I started throwing up. A lot. The water color was a brown and red. Vomit and blood. Fantastic. Soda left to go call 911. I saw the pills on the counter. I jumped out of the tub and took the rest of them. 34. I was gonna die. One way or the other. Soda came back and saw the empty bottle. He grabbed me and started gagging me again. "Stop!! I wanna die, I wanna die..." I kept repeating over and over. Until eventually I gave up. I realized I didn't want to die. "Soda... Help." Was all I said before I started throwing up blood.