Fear Of Intimacy

Hell Sweet Hell

*Gen's POV*

30 minutes in P.E. and I'm already drenched in sweat. Those cops and news crews? Here for the queen bitch of the school, Miss Penelope Jenkins. Aka bobble head Barbie. She called the police because someone "threatened" her life.

  Turns out Penelope really hit a freshman girl. Then the freshman proceeded to beat her until the teachers pulled her of then screamed how she was going to "tear that white whores fake extensions out and shove them up her ass". I have to admit I would have paid a lot of money to see that.

There's also a rumor going around of another Jenkins starting today. I didn't even know you could make two devil spawns. I haven't really seen anyone new, especially with a Jenkins level of bitchy.

I wonder why they haven't showed up until now. All I need is another person to potentially be able to ruin what wonderful time I have in high school. With my bad luck they'd be instagram famous or a YouTube star. As you can tell, they stand out in a crowd.

Coach had us come out into the small gym and start doing push ups. I'm not totally unfit but exercise isn't really the highlight of my day.

I heard the loud ass creak of the gym doors and looked up and saw what would have had to be the new Jenkins. My stomach starts feeling like it's going to implode while I can barely hold myself up. Fuck, I think I'm going to throw up. I get up fast, trying not to trip over my feet. As I run back to the bathroom.

I hear coach calling my name, but at this point all I can think about is getting anywhere but there.

Once I slam and lock the stall, I start feeling 90% better, but the anxiety of seeing her was still tearing at my stomach.

Questions keep firing off in my head until I start to get dizzy. Why is she here? How could I have been stupid enough to even look at her this morning? Her sister literally runs the school and can make my life hell.

I try going through all my exercises, but it turns into a jumbled mess. The only thing that could calm me down at this point is Liam. I softly hum the lullaby I sing him when he gets upset and feel my hands stop shaking.

Picking myself up and doing some breathing, my anxiety starts to slowly go down, but I know it's not going to go away. So I go to the mirror and fix my hair and clothes and head back out.

Everybody's eyes are on me and I swallow hard. Way to be a freak again Harper.

Coach calls me over and puts his hand on my shoulder. Now I'm really in for it. "You okay kid?"

Oh god he's worried. Nice job Gen. Nice fucking job.
"I'm fine coach. Really. Just forgot breakfast" Liar. You never eat breakfast. Oh god he knows I'm lying. Why is he smiling? This isn't going to be good.

"Then I'm sending you to the nurse. And don't fight with me on this. Rowan! Come help Genevieve to the nurse!"

  Rowan? Who the fuck is Rowan? Since when do I need an escort? I look back and see those softly green eyes staring back at me. I hold my breath. A habit I started when I was little.

Coach pushed me forward to start walking and I tensed and let go of my breath. I don't really like people touching me. Coach can get a couple of light shoulder touches before I start cringing.

  He moved his hand once he realized that was his limit. Coach has been there for me through high school. Really the only type of parenting I get. Even though I would never need it. He even took Liam for a night when my mother got money and I had to fight her for enough to feed Liam.

Not in a real fight. I wouldn't ever hit my mother. Just one of my rules.

I sigh realizing I probably made coach feel like shit. He helps me so much, but I just don't let people in easily. That is another rule.

I don't focus on him for more then a couple seconds though, before my eyes are glued on Rowan. Thankfully my legs start walking for me. Soon enough I'm stuck in my thoughts. She even more beautiful up close. And Rowan's such a pretty name. God I wish I could move her hair out of her face. Almost all the anxiety of me being faced with a Jenkins that could ruin my life, leaves me, almost.
 
I hear her giggle and almost melt. Then realize that she's giggling at me. And I'm biting my lip and staring at her like a creep.

Blushing hard but turning my head away I whisper "I'm such a creep, I'm sorry".

I can hear the smirk in her voice when she replied "Stare as long as you'd like, don't expect me not to charge though"

   I blush hard and look at her to see that it wasn't just my imagination. Smiling I lightly giggle. I've never giggled with anyone. What the hell? "You wanna tell me the real reason you got sick earlier?"
        
My smile drops and I can already feel my anxiety starting.  "You don't have to. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to upset you sweetheart. You just seem more closed off then most." I almost immediately looked at her and started blubbering apologizes and start tearing up.

All I can think about is how I must look like such a child. I've never done this before; what's wrong with me? I can't believe I'm doing this. Stop Genevieve. Grow the fuck up. I'm so busy fighting with myself, I barely feel Rowan wiping my tears away and hugging me tightly. This girl doesn't even know me, why is she doing this?

       Once I start actually calming down I can hear what she's saying. "Shh, sweetheart it's okay. Stop apologizing. You don't need to. I understand."

I can't help but to hold onto her, but as soon as it started I could feel myself getting to my max of touching. Pulling away, I wipe my face and give her my best fake smile, but I know she doesn't believe it. I must just be really tired, I'm never this emotional.

        The rest of the walk is pretty much silent, but a comfortable silence. I'm really glad for that. Before we got there I smile and start singing 'the song that never ends'. I wanted her to forget about the minor crack in my facade. I wanted to see her smile. Maybe laugh just a little. The more I keep singing it the goofier it gets.

I don't understand why I want her to like me so much. maybe fear of her running to Penelope? I've never tried to make anyone else like me, but once I see her start to crack a smile I just felt such a wave relief that I haven't gotten close to since Liam was born.

        "Now that songs gonna be in my head the rest of the day Gen!". Smiling brightly I look to her as I goes to say something when a clipboard slam on a desk causing me to jump hard. "Sorry sweetie, it must have slipped". God, I hate Denmark.