Fear Of Intimacy

Sleep Paralysis

Authors Note: This is a month after the last chapter.

*Gen's POV*
Its a very big thing for me to let people in. It's like being stuck in sleep paralysis. Everything in your body is fighting it, but you till remain staying in the same exact spot.
Today's the day Ro's coming over. She thinks the reason I wanted her over was to help "babysit", but the real reason is I don't get to see her enough at school. We have one class together and then lunch. And texting just isn't as good as the real thing.
I keep looking over and checking my phone for the time, and it's still only 5:12. Just like the last 4 times. I'm only still laying in bed because I told myself I wasn't going to be that girl. You know the one, the kind they put on tv that fall head over heels and run around making sure everything's perfect. So I'm going to sit here and keep checking my phone.
I sigh softly and sit up when I hear the front door open and slam. Grabbing my bat next to my bed, I walk out of my room closing the door softly and walk through the house,making it to the living room when I see a guy over my unconscious mother.
Rearing back I use all my strength to hit him in the back, knocking him on the ground. "Get the fuck out of my house!" I screamed while tightening my grip on the bat. He barely was able to get up and stumble out the door. I closes it and locked it, dead bolting it too. Sighing hard I look back and see my mothers siting up, with a look I can't even read. I've never been able to fully read my mother.
She could either be willing to hug me she's so happy or put me in a hospital, but my mother never hugged me. Which is why the first blow to the face barely made me turn my head. Only making her anger worsen because I wasn't even stunned. The second hit was a back hand. That one knocked me on the floor, since I was relying on my hands to block my face faster.
20 mins go by before she decides that I've learned my lesson, but it could have been anywhere between there. I stayed curled up a couple seconds after I hit the floor. It only took 3 broken ribs to learn that. I laid there and did my best to hold back my tears. It wasn't because of the pain. I can think my way out of that. I couldn't let Ro see me like this. I knew no matter how much make up I put on it could cover this.
I heard my alarm go off and decided to try to get up. I didn't need to give her a reason to come out here again and teach me another lesson. Walking hurt twice as much as I thought it would. After I got to my room I turned it off and grabbed my tylenol, and headed to my bathroom silently crying the whole time.
Turning on the shower I strip down and look at myself in the mirror for the first time today. I have to cover my hand with my mouth so I don't make any noise. I'm covered with bruises and cuts. I'm not going to be able to go to school for at least a week. Crying harder I get into my shower and sit down and let the water hit me. Why did I have to do that? I knew the consequences would be. It's all my fault. All of it.
I don't even remember falling asleep in the bathtub, but gasp hard when I get hit with ice cold water. Getting out fast, I dry off and get dressed in sweats and a xxl hoodie. I go to climb back in bed when the door bell rings. If that wakes up my mother she's gonna be even more pissed. Speed walking I go and open the door far and see Rowan standing there with a bag and a big smile on her face. Lucky I had my hood up and she really couldn't see my face. Before I could get anything out, she walked in and took off her shoes.
"Rowen I'm sorry but you can't—" before I could get anything else I see her whole face change. Why was she so tense all of a sudden and looking pissed? It wasn't till I tilted my head in confusion that I felt that my hood had slid back a back enough to where you could see my face. "What the fuck happened to you?!?"
Dragging her to my room and shutting the door, I covered her mouth and heard walking around and my mother talking to someone on the phone. Once I heard the front door slam I let go. "Ro I can explain okay? But right now I just really need someone to just lay with me" When she nodded, I grabbed Liam and pulled him next to me while Ro big spooned me.
An hour went by before Liam woke up. I got up and made him breakfast and brought him back to the room to play. After laying back down, me and Ro were facing each other, just a couple inches apart. I finished explaining to her what went down, and she pulled me close putting her head in my neck. Once I felt hot tears on my skin I wrapped my arms around her and petted her hair.
She pulled away and looked at me with a worried expression " When did it start?" I kinda cleared my throat so I could answer without choking up. " My dad left when I was about 3. It started with the alcohol. But two weeks after my 4th birthday, he got married to my aunt. They have 3 kids in Chicago. She just never was the same. And I don't blame her. She gave up everything for him. She quite her job and college to follow him here to a little small town in Florida so he could be a country star. The drugs and booze are what is throwing her whole brain off kilter. If she was clean it would be a different story."
I watch Ro shake her head, more tears falling off her already red cheeks and puffy eyes. "That doesn't make any of this right Genevieve." Wiping her face I stare at her "If anyone finds out Rowan they'll split me and Liam up. This isn't the movies. It's not going to be okay in the end. I'm 17. One more year and I can file to get Liam. My mother won't stand in court." I know it's not what she wants to hear but it's the truth.