Oh dear

≫fourteen.

o h d e a r

last night i couldn't sleep. i nearly cried and wept the whole evening until morning.

it was fear that consumed me.

why my love? i thought i found refuge already.

the fear was undeniably strong and i couldn't break free from the devil's grip on me. no matter which side of the pillow i move towards, i feel it creeping in my skin.

i woke up in the midst of dawn, in my highest point of enduring the horrible nightmares.

why my dear? where have the thoughts of bravery escape to?

i was childish to be afraid of unecessary things that exist in fragments of my imaginative mind. but fear is so strong, it makes you lose control.

no matter how many times i scream, i know the trickling feel of my stomach churning inside me. i wanted to burst like a balloon full of air.

no matter how hard someone tries to push me to my limits, i always end up popping and creating a rucus. so much, that passersby would be surprised.

boy, i thought they said dreams come true and that they forgot to say that nightmares were dreams too.

but foolishness, dreams couldn't happen because it took event in your dream. the dream would be a message, or representation, or a reminder. or a simple fragment of imagination.

"geez, avery- you look horrible today."

"wow, i appreciate the comment, captain obvious."

"no, not physical wise. somehow, with those droopy eyes and chappy lips, you never fail to make my heart gain a pound."

"unless feelings are edible, then your heart would be obiese by now."

"overdosed by you, though. but seriously, are you sick today?"

ah, if nightmares were called sickness then mine would be a plague.

maybe i'm hallucinating with my eyes closed, or maybe i'm thinking with my mind clouded by horrid thoughts.

though my dreams were horrible, i couldn't escape the one that brought my vomit up. i'm not a fan of cannibalism, and i don't hate it either.

just to put it simply, if you were to ask a cannibal on his opinion, he'd say human meat is the best meat.

but that's just not right isn't it? there are cow meat, pigs, birds even, animals! how about the vegetables then? just why do they even ..

"i might puke on you."

"as long as you invite me to your house after,then permission granted."

"urgh- it was declarative not interrogative."

"i'd like to add a question mark to the end of that declarative sentence then."

"......."

"god, avery, what's the matter with you?!"

"hey, i asked if i could puke on you or not and you obliged! what's the matter with you now?"

"fudgebars! are you even taking care of yourself? look how pale you've gotten now! that's your whole brunch down my shirt! let's go to the hospital now!"

"i don't need assistance, more less the hospital!"

gabriel, the walls have turned haven't they?

on the first page of our story, i wanted to heal you from your heartbreak. not fix you, there is a difference.

you fix something that's broken, in attempt to piece it back together. you heal something thats bent or wounded, and you only need time.

now here you are, doing both.

chrisp, i don't know about anything anymore gabriel. why do i like the fact that when i push you away, you inch in closer.

that when i say stupid and stubborn things, you knock some sense into me instead of telling me off and ignoring me like everybody else does.

i'm starting to have more fears than my list of likes and hates combined.

-being left behind.

-dying in accident.

-seeing a ghost.

-oblivion.

-losing my angel gabriel.

and that's what i needed to find out my love, that's all i need to do- test the waters to see if they are cold and not warm or freezing.

oh dear, mi amor, i'm falling down down under your sea of emotions and feelings.

Hate,

The girl with gory nightmares.