Quiet | Kaylor

VIII

It wasn't until they stood to clear up for dessert until anyone checked on the kids' table. "Hold on, where's Josie?" Taylor inquired.

"She's probably in the bathroom," Kristine supplied. "Alex?" He didn't answer, too engrossed with trying to see if he could subtly feed his vegetables to Olivia under the table. "Hey! Boys! Did you guys see where Josie went?"

Eli shrugged, "I don't know. She ran off a while ago."

Taylor's eyes met Karlie's across the table. Remembering her conversation with Tracy earlier, she battled her instincts and relinquished the responsibility to go check on their daughter to Karlie. "You go. I'll clean up here."

Karlie nodded and left the room. Tracy gave Taylor a warm smile.

~*~

Karlie didn't see her at first when she walked into the bedroom. "Josie?" she called tentatively. There was a sharp intake of breath from across the room. That's when Karlie noticed the rocking lump underneath the covers on the bed.

"Honey, what's going on?" she asked, walking over to the bed and pulling up the blanket. Josie let out a strangled cry and scooted away from her foster mom. She hugged her knees tightly to her heaving chest, her eyes squeezed shut.

Karlie realized her dress had been discarded haphazardly on the floor. "Josie," the girl flinched at Karlie's voice. "Josie," she said again, quieter this time, "I'm here to help you. But I can't do that unless you tell me what's going on." Josie let out a whine. "I need you to use your words, okay?" Karlie pleaded, "Tell me what you're feeling."

"Too loud. Too bright," Josie choked out. She dug her fingernails into her kneecaps, trying to pull it together, trying to just say still. She just hoped Karlie wouldn't be too mad at her.

"Hey, hey, hey. None of that," Karlie chided gently, pulling Josie's hands away.

"No!" Josie yelped, snatching her hands out of Karlie's grip. "No, no, no, no."

"Okay, I won't touch you," Karlie said. She internally smacked herself when Josie winced at the volume of her voice. She took a deep breath, steadying herself. So this is what a sensory overload looks like, she thought, feeling relieved that some of the research she and Taylor had been doing was actually useful.

She began getting up when Josie yelped frantically, "No, Mama, stay!"

"I'm right here, baby, I'm just going to turn the lights off," she said softly. She got up, flicking the light switch and closing the door. When she glanced back, Josie was sitting still with her hands pressed tightly over her ears.

Most troubling, though, was the speed of her breathing. Karlie had never been more grateful that she'd learned techniques to help Taylor when she used to get anxiety attacks. "Josie, we're going to try and take some deep breaths together, okay? I'm going to count: 4 counts in and 4 counts out. Do you think you can do that with me?" She didn't wait for an affirmation to begin, and took deep breaths exaggeratedly in hopes that her daughter would mimic her.

They both sat there for a few minutes, first counting regularly, then by twos, then by threes. There wasn't any particular reason for that except that Josie wanted to, and Karlie wasn't going to argue with that. Finally, when she stopped hyperventilating, Karlie held her arms out. "Do you want a hug?" she asked softly. Josie hesitated, squinting up at her. "It might feel nice," she offered. As Josie was deliberating, Karlie shot a quick text to Taylor, telling her to come up. She was feeling a little poorly equipped for the situation, and besides, this felt like something they needed to talk about together.

Eventually, Josie clambered into Karlie's arms, curling into her chest. Karlie cautiously rubbed her back. Her hands traced over bare skin, tactfully avoiding the the burn scar near her shoulder. Remembering the motion Josie had been doing when she walked in, Karlie began to rock her back and forth. "Does this feel good?" she asked.