depression is a silent killer || √

003 - MAMA

Seokjin-hyung, suicided.

One year later on the same day of Taehyung's death.

Despite his bloody wrist is full of countless wounds, he seemed to die a peaceful death.

He was smiling faintly.

I don't understand, why does hyung have to suicide.

Although I know very well that he has depression, I still don't understand.

So, I decided to ask him, face-to-face.

Ask him why, why give up on himself when he told us to not give up on ourselves.

"Namjoon-ah, I'm going out." I told our leader that's drinking a glass of water in the kitchen.

"I'll go with you." He said, concern visible in his eyes.

"Nah, I just want to be alone for a while." I smiled, reassuring him.

Namjoon-ah, I'm sorry.

I lied.

Please forgive me..

"Okay.. Be careful." He said, still worried.

"Yeah I will, goodbye." I left the dorm.

This is the last goodbye I'm giving you.

Seems like nothing.. right.

I never wanted him to worry, that's why.

I drove Jin-hyung's old Nissan pick-up to the seaside where we once played and hang out together.

It was beautiful memories, I must say.

The memories are engraved in my mind, I could never forget about it.

No matter what happens.

The seaside held our happy moments, our footsteps as we grew to be more and more mature, our laughter when we fooled around, pranking each other.

The times, that can never come back.

The moments we spent together, happy or sad, forever written in the invisible book named 'History'.

I wanted to go back to that time so badly, but then reality is always cruel.

Time can never turn back.

I climbed onto the car's bonnet, sitting on it, taking in the scenery before me, feeling the warm breeze of the sea.

The sea reflected the lights illuminated by the city, beautiful as always.

It reminded me of Jin-hyung's big doe eyes, that always had a sparkle.

His eyes always had a invisible attractiveness, that you would get lost if you stare into it for too long.

The never-ending sparkles in his eyes, I miss it.

The motherly-love in his eyes, I miss it too.

Come back to me, to us, please?

Time travel to 2006

Crazed for dancing, I pinched my mom's purse

When my dad opposed but I practiced everyday

She supported me

Remembering the times back in high school, I was crazy for dancing.