depression is a silent killer || √

005 - Lie

After a few days of Yoongi-hyung's return, Namjoon-hyung drowned himself in his toilet, water overflowing from the tub.

Yoongi-hyung thought we didn't know.

He put on a fake smile, telling us that Namjoon-hyung moved to somewhere far, far away, and he wouldn't come back anymore.

He lied to himself, lied to me, lied to Jungkook.

Namjoon-hyung was dealing with pain and stress, and he had to take care of me and Jungkook at the same time.

It must have been so stressful for him.

After Yoongi-hyung came back, he changed.

He isn't like the hyung we used to know: Cold but caring, a softie in heart.

He became very, very nice towards me and Jungkook.

Yoongi-hyung must be insecure, afraid that me and Jungkook would leave him out of the blue.

Hyung, I'm sorry, I want to leave this world.

It keeps happening even though I run away

I'm caught in a lie

I gave up on myself, locking myself in my room for the whole day.

Yoongi-hyung liked to sleep and nap on my bed, now my bed smells like him.

I was roommates with Hoseok-hyung.

I looked towards the bed beside me that belonged to Hoseok-hyung, missing him.

Hyung, are you happy now?

I miss you.

I miss your deafening screams of joy.

I miss you fooling with us.

I really, really miss you.

I miss your spams in the group chat.

I miss dancing to girl group songs with you.

I miss having fun with you.

I miss you cooking ramen for me in the middle of the night because I was hungry.

I miss you waking me up in the morning by poking me on the cheeks, saying how you love my chubby cheeks.

I miss you worrying for me, saying that I should eat more.

I miss having you annoy me.

Caught in a lie

Find the me that was innocent

I can't free myself from this lie

Give me back my laughter

Jungkook changed, he isn't the prankster of our group anymore.

He isn't the golden maknae we used to call him anymore.

He isn't energetic anymore, he doesn't talk anymore.

He pushes everybody away from him, and never accepted any comfort from people. Even me, the hyung he used to favour.

Once, Yugyeom came to try to talk to Jungkook.

Jungkook commanded him to leave, and said that he doesn't need any care from anyone and gave us a deathly glare.