Random Thoughts

THOUGHT #1: Adulting is Not That Bad?

I'm just starting up on my first job but I already miss school and how it feels to be a teenager, a child that the only problem in life is how to get out of school. I want to go back in time. Back when I was young and don't have this responsibility of living for myself. Responsibility of living up the expectations of your family and other people.

Working on a job that is not exactly my passion might be the cause of this quite uneasy feeling. Actually, there's this feeling that I just can't understand. I mean I am thankful for my job because the people I work with are very kind and generous. They treat me like a new member of their family. But some days I just feel sad and very tired. I miss doing things that I used to do. Playing guitar, writing songs, reading and writing my own novel and watching movies and tv series. I also miss my friends, my bestfriends. Writing and making music is really my passion. I could go all day making music and singing while playing my guitar. Music and writing has basically been my first love. But now I just can't do it all because my job is keeping me busy the whole day. In fact when I got home, all I want to do is eat some dinner then sleep just like any tired employee would love to do. And the next day, I will be waking up and get ready quickly to go to my job. I feel like I'm doing this kind routine and I feel like I'm a robot. In short, I am torn between the past and new chapter of my life.

There was a time that my boss gave me a big task that I have to communicate to a certain people from a certain agency and I do not know what to do. But after setting my mind into it and after telling myself that I can do the task, I was able to get the job done. Days have passed. Sometimes I do nothing; sometimes I do a lot of paper works, AutoCAD, computation and other necessary task in my job. And it felt like I'm getting used to it. I'm getting used to the busy life of an adult. The once a teenager me is getting used to the way time goes in the adult world.

Another experience that I will never forget and never want to go through again is applying for your SSS, PhilHealth, and many more requirements for my job as a Service Contractual. Napakahaba ng mga pila at sobrang stressful ng process. So doing all that again is no-no.

Some companies will just ask for your information and they will be the one to process your application but in my case as a researcher in PhilRice, we are asked to do it on our own. Anyway the thing that I will not forget is applying for SSS. Nabudol ako dun! Since I just hit pass 20 years old, I'm still unaware of some things in life. In short, medyo inosente at tanga pa. What happened? The lady in charge of receiving the application asked about my monthly rate, which I still don't know at that time. So she estimated the starting income of a researcher and entered corresponding amount of contribution in their system. Eh dapat pala minimum lang yung babayaran para hindi mabigat kasi we are just starting up in a job but the lady in-charge insisted na required mag-bayad nang certain amount for the estimated monthly rate. Kaya ayun ako naman nag-okay since I'm alone and nobody told me beforehand what to do.

It was a kinda rough experience. For days I felt like an idiot na sige lang nang sige. But my elder sister told me: "Okay lang yun, lesson learned. Breathe and think carefully bago ka bumanat." And weeks after what happened, I had a realization that maybe we are supposed to do mistakes so we can learn from it. Maybe as I grow older I will continue to do mistakes, definitely, may it be small or a big one. But I think in the end, what's important is how I learn from it. How I develop and make progress from it. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we take everything seriously? Mistakes are meant to be done by people. It is what makes us a human being whose life is built from mistakes and heartaches. Sa mga bagay na ito, doon tayo tumitibay. Doon tayo tumatapang at nagkakaroon ng lakas ng loob para harapin ang mga bagay sa malupit nating mundo. And when our hairs are grey and we have wrinkles in our faces and bodies, we're just going to laugh on our yesterdays like a little kid.

Although I still have a lot of things to learn when it comes to my job, I'm confident that I could do it with the help of God and my colleagues. When I come to think of it, I'm still very young but I don't need to be afraid of things that I don't understand. I don't need to be afraid of the unknown. I just have to face it and continue moving forward instead of latching on the past.

And now I got my first check for my first month of working. Of course, it feels good! I got to give my parents money and buy my sibling a gift. I can see how happy and proud they are to me. I'm also starting to know how to balance my work, my passion and my hobbies. I still get tired everyday, but I think that's part of our life. To get tired and get tired again. I got to do things that I don't usually do. I got to experience things that I don't usually do. I'm learning things that I thought will never have the chance to. Sure it was scary at first but as time goes by, it gets better. All things get better in time. And when I think about it, maybe adulting is not that bad.