At bottom and aloft

Chapter Eleven

    I was in my room. I had opened notebook in front of me and I was doing some homework. It was three days since I almost passed out at a school toilet. I weighed myself and I got 50 kilograms. And when I looked into the mirror I saw those demerits. My diet didn't help so far. I should just keep going and believe. I haven't eaten in a while but I'm not hungry. And I feel well. I haven't had any headaches or any of those painful problems. My phone rang. I saw name that appeared on my phone screen. Matt.
,,Hey, What's up?"
,,Look I'll just say it. I'm sooooo fucking sorry for Aaron. He's an asshole. But he didn't mean it."
,,It's alright. He was right."
,,No! No, he wasn't! Just don't fall into old ways because of it, please."
,,How are you?"
,,Well I'm fine."
,,I should come back to work. Bye."
,,Good night, Becca."

When we supposed to have P.E.-we all know how I hate it- something absolutely weird, unpredictable and confusing happened. I was just on my way to the girl's locker rooms when Aaron, that Aaron, crossed my way.
,,Aaron..."
,,Becca..."
,,I'm surprised that you remember my name. You know, I'm not worth of remembering." I tried to brush aside but he blocked my way.
,,Hey, I just wanted to apologize. I didn't know you so I was acting like a jerk."
,,Oh, you did? You figured well have a nice day." Another try for escape.
,,I won't let you go. Until you forgive me."
,,Look, that's not something you can just forgive. You were acting absolutely disgusting. More than that. But you were right. I'm not slim or I do not have body of some model or prostitute. So sorry for disappoint you but being a whore to you is not my life goal." And then I finally escaped. I've got tears in my eyes and I tried to not get emotional.
,,Keep it together." I told to myself and I did. I closed my emotions inside of me.
,,Hey, why aren't you ready?" It was Olivia
,,I'll be there in minute."
,,Okay, we're doing gymnastic outside." Oh no. Something I don't like. It was sunny day. Well it was also half of June.
,,He's definitely watching YOU!" We were outside and we've just been warming up. I watched by her direction and I saw Aaron.
,,No, he's just pissed off." Aaron was looking right in my direction. When I haven't broken off my eye contact he did. I really hated him. And I'm pretty sure he hated me too.

I was standing in front of my locker and I was taking books for another class. I was just about to leave so I slam my locker's door when Aaron stand there leaning on locker next to mine. He leaned closer. And smiled. He just smiled. After I chewed out him.
,,What do you want?"
,,I want to earn your forgiveness."
,,I don't need anything. Just let it go."
,,I want to earn eat. So please. Are you willing to go for a dinner with me tonight?"
Dinner? I don't have a body for some dinner. So no thanks, Aaron.
,,I can't, so please. Don't worry about it anymore."
,,Then I'll pick you up at 6pm. That's my number. Text me your adress." He smiled and disappeared. Perfect. Just perfect.

I clutched notepaper with Aaron's number on it in my palm. I texted him my adress like he wanted. Oh God, what have I done? And why couldn't he just get over it? Why doesn't he hate me? Why don't I hate HIM? At least not as much as I should. Well he wants just one 'date' well it's not a date just forgiving hang out. I would never ever in my entire life go for a date with Aaron Kayness. Ever. It's 5:23pm was a right time to get ready. I didn't wanted to overdo it. Leggings and loose T-shirt did it. Well before I realized that I'm standing in front of the mirror in floral summer dresses. Just don't overdo it. Just. Don't. Overdo. It. I put some mascara and red lipstick on. Well I totally overdo it. He can't get a wrong impression. He can't think that that's for him because it's not. Just forgiving hang out. I started to sweating.
,,No, no. Please no. Okay, I'm not nervous. Don't sweat when you aren't nervous." And then bell rang. This was end of my nerves. I grabbed handbag and opened the front door.
,,Hey, beautiful."
,,This time." I slammed front door
,,Okay, okay but this is forgiving date."
,,It's not a date!"
,,Ah, It's not?"
,,Look I hate you, and you supposed to hate me to." Please say no. He laugh.
,,Oh come on, I face something like this every day."
,,I don't." His smile fade
,,Alright then why did you dressed like that?"
,,I have summer mood."
,,Oh right. So why are you sweating?"
,,Excuse me? I'm not. You can't tell this to a girl!"
,,You're right. I'm sorry." Wow. He's starting to sorry too often. You hate him, Becc. I'm trying to cover my smile. Unsuccessfully.
,,See? You're smiling!"
,,No, I'm not!"
,,Yes you're!"
,,Okay, maybe I'm"
,,I like it." Oh no no no no. Becc, keep it together. Just keep it cool.
,,So, hey, Matt told me something, you two have met at mental institution and when I offended you, he told me something." Oh. Crap.
,,He did?"
,,I'm so sorry. I shouldn't tell you that." I hate you Matt. You had no right to tell him.
,,Don't feel sorry for me! He had no right to tell you! It's none of your business. We're done."
,,Becca. Becca! Come on!" But I haven't turned around anymore. I got home and changed into night clothes. He shouldn't have done it. I don't want Aaron to know about this. I don't want this. I supposed to hate him. And I can't hate someone who's nice to me.

Dear diary,
I met that guy, Aaron. He's Matt's friend. Well, he told me that I'm not such a beauty as he thought when we just met! He was right! But I'm working on it. I haven't eat in a while and I can see my body changing finally! But you know what Matt have done? Well he told him. He told Aaron about my eating disorder recovering. He had no right to do that! I'm so angry about it! Because that's why he feel sorry for me and he apologized. I supposed to hate him. He supposed to hate me. We supposed to hate each other. That's given.

I was sitting at cafeteria next week. Olivia was telling me about new books by Marie Claire and I just noded after some time. My phone noticed me about new message. New message from Aaron.
Look, I'm sorry. Can I see you in the garden in 5min? A.
Oh, Aaron please give up already.
I'll be there.
,,I have to go, see you in history."
I was standing in the garden and I was waiting for Aaron. I felt something covered my eyes.
,,Guess who?"
,,Aaron,please just get to the point." He got down on his knees.
,,Aaron, come on get up!" I was looking around if there's someone around to see this embarrassing scene.
,,Please forgive me."
,,Aaron, for the love of God. Get up!"
,,Say that you forgive me."
,,Fine, fine. I forgive you." He got up.
,,Thank you."
,,That was ridiculous. What are you trying to do?"
,,I'm trying to get to know you."
,,Let's keep it none-dramatic okay?"
,,Fine." He chuckled