At bottom and aloft

Chapter Twelve

    We were sitting on a bench in a park. Aaron convinced me. He said he wants to know me. Please don't make your own endings. It's not that romantic 'I want to get to know you' it's just that absolutely insistent Aaron 'I want to get to know you'.
,,So why?"
,,Why what?"
,,Why did you do that?"
,,I wasn't pretty enough."
,,Well, I bet you were."
,,You have no idea how I looked back then."
,,No I don't. But I've got sixth sense."
,,I just saw all of those perfect tiny girls. I want to be perfect like them."
,,Wait, you want. Like now. I thought it ended." Crap.
,,Yeah, It did. I mean I wanted."
,,Oh okay."
,,Tell me about you? What's your saddest moment in your life." His happy face was gone. He didn't want to talk about it. It was sure as black on white. But I actually wanted to know. I haven't gave him a choice.
,,I lost my sister." Oh. My. God. Maybe I shouldn't after all.
,,She got pneumonia. She died because of it."
,,I'm so sorry."
,,Yeah." He looked really sad.
,,What was her name?"
,,Juliet."
,,Nice name."
,,Yeah. After her death I was totally flat broke. Matt helped me. He loved her." Matt loved his sister?
,,How old were you?"
,,I was fifteen and she was thirteen."
,,I'm really sorry."
,,Well, I should walk you home." And there he was. Old Aaron. Not sad anymore.
,,Thank you for telling me."
,,You told me so I told you. An eye for an eye." This time it was me, who smilled.

    That wasn't last time we were together. We got close. Not close close, but friend close. It's surprising, how traumatic moments can bound two people. In school, he and Matt sat with me and Olivia during  lunch. Or at lunch break. I haven't eaten too much. I still tried to get some weight down. After lunch(lunch break) Olivia and I had P.E.. Perfect.
,,We are suppose to run today."
,,Long distance?"
,,Exactly."
,,Oh no."
,,Are you okay, Becca? You are a little pale."
,,I'm fine."
,,You haven't had a lunch."
,,Yeah, I had a big breakfast." No, I haven't
,,Okay. Let's go." I followed Olivia to the field. It was June so sun was heating ground a lot.
,,Okay, Caidwell and Wottersen on the line!"
It's here. Again. I hate distance runs. Like all of sport games.
,,On your mark! Get set! Go!" Mr. Yolan shouted. So I ran. The fact, that there's Aaron with us on the field and watching me, didn't help me very much. Not that I care. We were just friends. Seriously! I couldn't catch my breath after three rounds. Like always, but this time I felt pressure in my head also. And then acute pain all over my body. And that was familiar too. But not for running.

    I couldn't stand on my legs. I couldn't catch my breath. I got down. I kissed the ground and then squirm in unbelievable agony. My head turned on right side. I saw a lots of physiques coming after me. And one boy. Boy with a redhaired head, blue eyes and strong arms lifting me. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe and this time I didn't have enough strength to gasp.
,,You're going to be okay. Everything will be just fine." I heard and then closed my eyes.

    I opened my eyes. I saw that familiar room. Hospital room. So so familiar. But something was different. I looked around and my look stayed on a boy. A boy sitting next to my bed. I barely moved but he could feel that I was awake. That I was alive.
,,You're fine." That's not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear something authentic. Something new.
,,You..."
,,Try not to talk."
,,You s..."
,,Shh...try to rest." I shaked my head a little. I wanted to tell him. I needed to.
,,You saved..."
,,I haven't. Doctors did. Well they helped you. You saved yourself. You chose to live." Then he pat my hair. Why was he so fucking nice to me? Did those doctors tell him something? Where's my mother or dad?
,,Where is..." I took a deep breath ,,My mother."
,,She's talking to your doctor."
,,I have to...I have to go."
,,Are you crazy? You've just fainted on the field!"
,,She'll kill me."
,,Why would she kill you?"
,,I kept going."
,,What are you talking about?"
,,I couldn't stop. I had to be thin."
,,Oh God. You said you stopped this."
,,I couldn't."
,,Becca, let me tell you something. You're perfect the way you're. Some boys like tiny girls, yes. But not all of them. Some of them love when girl is herself. And there is no such thing as perfection. But sometimes. Perfection is personality."
,,You're like my therapist back then." I laughed slightly.
,,I'm talented you know." He laughed and I smiled.
,,You and your egoism." I started to closing my eyes.
,,It's okay."
,,Thank you." I whispered.
,,It's okay." He said.
So I closed my eyes.

    I woke up, when I heard voices in my room. But I didn't open my eyes. I listened.
,,Don't you get it?! She's gonna die!"
,,Calm down, Penny. She needs her rest."
,,You should have kept an eye on her."
,,It was too late back then. It's too late now. We can't dissipate this time. We have to love her more than ever."
,,We don't have to. We need to. She needs this." I open my eyes. And groan.
,,Becca!" My mother is right next to that uncomfortable hospital bed in a second.
,,How are you feeling, my little girl?"
,,I felt better." And then she starts crying.
,,What's wrong, mom?" After a long time I called her mom again.
,,I...We were talking to doctors..."
,,Hey Penny, let's let doctor tell her about this." In that moment a man in long, white coat came into that room.
,,I hope you're feeling better."
,,I guess."
,,Okay, we looked through your file and checked up your life functions." And we found out you're dead already.
,,And we are blindside." My mom started crying again and my dad held her tightly in his arms. No one held me. Isn't it me who is about to die?
,,Your body can't take a food anymore. You've got a couple of collapses before. And it's too late. There's no treatment anymore. I'm sorry." That's all. He's sorry. I'm gonna die and he's sorry. No hope. No treatment. They've given up on me so easily.
Doctor left. He said that he'll release me tomorrow morning. And that I should eat some medications to keep my body going. I should try eat something. No matter fact that I'll throw everything up. I should try that's all.

    Next morning when I got home from hospital my mom and dad told me to stay home. I didn't want to originally, but they convinced me just for today. I grabbed my journal. I had to get it out of me.

Dear diary,
I've just found out I'm gonna die. Yes. Die. They said that they can't do anything about it. They said there's no treatment anymore. They prescribed some medications and told me to try eat. But that I'll die in a 6 months. None of my friends know it. Aaron doesn't know it. We're not together. We're barely friends. He saved my life back there. He saved my life for 6 months.