At bottom and aloft

Chapter One

    Do you know that feeling when you just walking by a street or all over school campus and you see those girls? THOSE perfect girls...They're everything, they're famous, they're sport material and all of it....they're super super thin. You look at them and you see that slim waist, long legs, flat belly, butt and boobs that most of the guys at school would kill for.
 
    And me? I'm willing to say that I'm smart and creative. I like most of school classes. In my free time I love to play the guitar and watching serials or read the books. But like I said...I like most of school classes...most of them.
P.E. or physical education. That's the one I hate. Like REALLY hate. Our teacher Melan Yoran is one big peace of shit. I just don't like him and so my best friend Olivia. He always give us ten rounds around big gym for "worm up". I would said that he wants to kill us. Literally. Than he continues with some sort of games with ball or in the worst case, gymnastics.

    And now you know it. I hate P.E because I'm not sport person. Not at all! I'm not flexible, fast and I can't stand long runs.
 
    Everyday I come home from school I stand in front of the mirror in my room. I roll my T-shirt up and look at my belly from one side and then the other. I see...I'm fat...Like really. Next look is on my thighs. I look down and see that they are still too close to each other. I'm absolutely not okay with myself. I try workout sometimes but it's not for long. I'm trying to eat less and healthy but with my super overprotective dad it never works out.

     That was before I was at my doctor's revisal. When he figured out that my weight is seventy-one kilograms to 170 cm height he told me that I should reduce sweets. I didn't eat a lots of sweets back then so I had no idea what to do. I was so hurt because before told me the same thing my cardiologist. I convinced myself to do something about it. Or at least try.

    I skipped breakfast everyday. Dad told me one morning:
,,You should eat! You'll become anorexic!''
And I replied:
,,I won't. Don't worry. I have lunch then, I'm just not hungry in the morning that's all."
And then I left.
I tried to avoid all kinds of pastry and sweets, to limit my portions for every meal and to workout. I tried really hard as far I can tell. I lost four kilograms in four months. I was really proud of myself. During Christmas I didn't gain too much so I was happy about it either. But in the end of January next year I kind of stopped. And than it happened again. I wasn't confident anymore. I gained my weight again and I started to think really negative. That's when I started think about it.

    Every time I see those girls on Instagram or at school I thinking about how I can't look like that ever in my entire life. They are telling all the time:
,,I'm fat. I have so small boobs. I do not have any butt. I have to start working out."
When they're saying that I think about this:
,,How can you say that? Look at me! How are you thinking about me when you think that you're fat. That you're....not perfect."
I stopped tell everyone that I'm fat or unhappy. Because that's line that never will fix anything.

    I'm standing in front of the mirror in my room...

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