At bottom and aloft

Chapter Nineteen

    Dear diary,
I lied to myself. I'm in love with Aaron. I love Aaron. My heart and mind are obsessed with him. Totally obsessed. We kissed the other night. Like REALLY kissed. It felt so right but it was so wrong. It shouldn't have happened. I don't mean just The Kiss. I mean we shouldn't started feel something for each other in the first place. I'm gonna be gone soon. And he?
He'll be hurt too much.

    Olivia and I were sitting in her kitchen. I had to tell her but I didn't know how to start. She was clearly in a good mood. And I had no idea if she'll 'ship us' or not. But I think I'm worrying too much. She actually clearly felt that connection between us before. I know it shouldn't have happened but it did. And I do not regret it. Doctors gave me that machine or what is this. I eat through the needle once a day. Rest of the day is about taking medications.
,,Olivia?"
,,Yes?"
,,Something happened last night..."
,,Oh finally!"
,,What are you talking about?"
,,I was waiting when you won't be able to resist each other and you sexual desire anymore."
,,We haven't slept together!"
,,Oh, my bad. Then what happened?!"
,,We kissed. Naked. In the lake."
,,Well, that's hot too."
,,I mean I can count it as the first kiss right?"
,,Well, kiss when you were ten years old was hardly real kiss. So how are you feeling about it? It was you know...right thing to do?"
,,I don't know..."
,,What do you mean you don't know! You have to be together!"
,,I mean I enjoyed it. Too much actually but...I don't have too much time. He'll be hurt when that time comes."
,,He chose it. He chose to be with you. It's not your decision to make."
,,I guess you're right."
,,You can't do other people's choices. They have to decide on their own. Do you love him?"
,,Yes, I love him." I smiled.
,,Then here's your answer." She smiled.
,,Now let's have a breakfast." I took my medications and Olivia ate a bowl of cereals.

    Days of holidays were getting shorter and shorter. Olivia took me shopping. She said I need some new pieces of clothing for new school year. I was going with her more likely because I needed some notebooks and school stuff.
,,This one is sooo cute! You have to buy it."
,,I think I know how to choose perfect school aids."
,,Fine fine. But don't blame me when you'll find out it was pretty cool eventually."
,,Trust me, I won't."
After shopping I said bye to Olivia and went home. I was planning to do some clean-up before school year starts. I cleared out my closet and old books and jotters. Then cleaned the dust and vacuumed. Simply...all-side cleaning. When I was done I sat down on bed. I haven't spoken to Aaron since that kiss. Well it was like six days ago. I should talk to him. School starts in two days. I texted him.
Can we talk? B.
Response came in no time.
Finally! Of course! A.
I'll meet you in the park in fifteen minutes. B.
On my way. A.
I dressed up and put my hair into high ponytail. In ten minutes I was on my way. I sat on the bench in the park.
,,Hey."
,,Hi."
,,So...How are you?"
,,I'm fine. You?"
,,Me too. So let's talk."
,,Yeah."
,,Are we together now?"
,,Do you want us to be together?"
,,I want us to be together if you want us to be together."
,,Aaron...We can't..."
,,Why not, Becca? Just admit it! You have feelings for me!"
,,I do have feelings for you! But you know what I'm about? I'm gonna die! That's the reason why. We can't be together. We can't be in love. I'll die and you'll loose me. You'll be hurt. Don't you get it? I want to protect you!"
,,Becca, I don't care! This isn't up to you! I promised you I'll be there for you no matter what. I want to spent with you every minute of our lives. I want to be with you."
,,Why? Why with me? You can have every girl in the entire world and you chose me. Why?"
,,Because I love you." He smiled and leaned closer to me.
,,I love you Becca." And then he kissed me. Gently but lovely. He loves me. And I love him back. We love each other.
,,I love you too Aaron."

    School started. I spent the best holidays of my life. With my friends. It was brilliant. It's September. Doctors said that I could live until next year if I'll continue taking pills and time to time some inner needle supplement, anyway my body won't be able to run this way for more than that. I don't know how much true is that thing but I'll be fighting every minute. We are sitting in the cafeteria now.
,,I can't believe it. We're sitting at school again. It's so weird to be back."
,,This was the most amazing summer break that I've ever had."
,,It certainly was."
,,So it looks like we've gotta survive September full of revision tests. When October comes Halloween comes and with him parties all over town. November is just trash month and December brings us Christmas!"
,,Hey! November isn't trash month! It's my birthday!" Aaron said.
,,Really?" I asked.
,,Yeah."
,,Why didn't you tell me?"
,,You haven't asked." Oh right. Well, me and Aaron are couple now. We decided that we want to be together. I'm glad he said that. I'm glad he wants to be with me.

Dear diary,
I haven't had heart attack or any other problems in past two months. My condition is stabilized so my mom and dad aren't freaking out. Thank God. Me and Aaron are officially couple. Wherever we are we love to steal some moment together. Oh God, I have to be in love. I am. I'm also pretty sure that Olivia and Matt are happy too. They're stealing moments for each other all the time too. But they like to meet at the toilets. Girl's toilets. Olivia always tells that they're cleaner. Matt was agreeing with her until they weren't tearing off each other's clothes and Matt stepped on used pad. Gross. Since then they're hosting their small meetings in storage. We are all happy. And that's the right PERFECTION.