Dont You Want Me? Levi x Reader BOOK 2

Part 8 - When All Comes Crashing Down

Part 8


There is something to be said for the chaos of feelings that you have when faced with a life-shattering discovery, even if you do not know what it is, or even if there will be one. It's the anxiety, hope, fear, dread and the unknowing, even whilst one is standing still, you can still feel the thud of your heart in your chest. Nothing quite compares to the teetering on the precipice, staring down at the darkness, wondering what lay in wait for you if you were to jump or lose your footing.

You felt numb, viewing the passing scenery with apathy and yet all the while somewhere, hidden away, you were screaming. It was hard enough having to handle that you had been essentially traded off for the safety of another's dignity, let alone knowing that the deceit had embedded its roots far deeper into your unspoken life than you had ever thought possible.

Your heart ached more than it had done for years, all your feelings, sadness had been locked away only escaping to give you the drive to carry on. That had been your main reason for continuing so that your family's lives would not have been in vain. Yet what would going home achieve? It would surely be rubble by now, without a trace of what was really going on. You knew Lex would have disapproved greatly that you had gone on your own, if he had been quick enough, he could have come with you, but you knew when you returned that you would be reprimanded terribly.

You looked back at the path you had ridden, you couldn't see anyone. Maybe, just maybe, they hadn't followed, put it down to you needing to do this on your own. Then you thought of those who would be following; for definite, Lex, Eren, and Jean, remembering you had crashed into him on the way out. Would Levi ever know? Would he care? Not that that was the reason for you to throw yourself into danger, getting his attention was not something you were worried about anymore. He could play his stupid games, he could be his cold self if he wanted, but you were no longer going to participate.

Looking forward to your course, you noticed a Titan in the distance, seemed a fairly small one, but it was best that you took a wide berth, you didn't want to get into any unnecessary trouble as you would never hear the end of it if you survived. You rode on at full speed, taking care to avoid any threats on the way and slowed down when you came to your hometown. It was desolate, so quiet if not for a few birds calling. It was a good thing that the horse was trotting along slowly and not you, as you felt yourself freeze.

It had been so long since you had been here and never thought in all your years that you would be coming back. Yet here you were. You were glad for the slower pace, as you realised that you were both completely out of breath. You noticed a small river running through the centre of the town and you led your horse gingerly to the spot to let it drink. You had to be careful, if a Titan were to attack you now, even with your gear, you would have been at a major disadvantage.

Taking a view of the whole village from here, you could remember being young again, the smiles, the music, the sound of the markets surrounding the square. It was so different now, but this was the price for a life living in constant threat. It was eerily quiet, as the remaining nature had avoided the area for fear of the cursed land. You took a deep breath and began to walk in the direction of what you remembered to be your way home. You stopped so many times, your mind having to will your body forward, what were you expecting to see? Everything? Nothing? Nothing seemed to make any sense at all, your mind was exhausted.

You turned a corner.... And there it was... Your home.

You clapped a hand over your mouth, to silence the yelp of surprise, your house was still standing. Even the inn next door was still standing. Tears filled your eyes, only falling to your cheeks when you blinked. It was like you had never left. Okay so the roof had fallen away in parts and one of the side walls on the top floor had crumbled, but compared to the rest of the town it had fared well. The steps closer were harder than ever before, why was this so difficult? Buried memories were always hard to swallow, emotional situations weren't great for you, but this was really close to the tender spot.

Gingerly you reached out for the handle to the door, but it did not move, hardly the most delicate of entrances, following you barrelling into the door to get it to open, almost sprawling yourself on the floor. It was dusty and dark, you blinked through the darkness until your eyes managed to adjust to the dimly lit room. It was almost as if it had been frozen in time, apart from the dust and silt of time, foliage creeping between the cracks in the walls, it was like it hadn't been touched in years. You were awestruck, how could this possibly be? Surely it was trampled in the attack?

You moved through the room, fingering the pretty patterned paper on the table that would have been the wrappings for your birthday presents. Glass crunched under your boots, and as you crouched down you saw the stain of red wine on the rug, this was where your parents had had their argument. You braced yourself to stand up when something caught your eye, reaching under the table your fingers reached for the object, and upon drawing it to you, your heart skipped a beat. It was your sister's cuddly rabbit. She never went anywhere without it, it was dusty but still soft. You wrapped your arms around it and cradled it into your chest, tears escaping your eyes. Your sister. She had been so young, and now there was nothing but her personal belongings.

Standing up, you noticed a letter on the table, it was ripped, which seemed odd to you as everything else was by far kept pristine. You scanned its contents and realised that the rest was missing.

I love you more than life itself and she is the light of my life, if there was a way, you know I would do anything. Please. Don't ruin your life for someone you don't love.

You scowled at the message. What did it mean? This was addressed to who? Your Mother? Your father? It definitely was neither of their handwriting... Did this mean that one of them had been unfaithful? Your parents argued yes, but to the point of infidelity, never. Stuffing the paper in your pocket you raced up the rickety stairs to your parent's room. This had been more exposed to the elements and you knew you had to be careful with your footing, so carefully you tested the wooden flooring to make sure it would hold your weight.

When you were satisfied with your path, you moved around the room. The chest of drawers and the wardrobe held nothing of value, feeling a little deflated you sat down on the bed and ran your hands over the bed linen, this was the last place your mother had slept. Your eyes fell on the picture on her bedside table and you smiled. It was your Mothers favourite place to picnic in the summer, under a tree of blossom looking onto a small lake. You could hear her laughter in your mind and your heart clenched, it was such a pure memory. Your little sister playing catch with a ball with her, as you looked on reading a book.

A frown formed on your brow, you remembered that picture being landscape, so why on earth was it in a portrait frame? You found yourself standing up as you took the frame into your hands. Why did this seem so significant? Sure enough, you turned it over and began to move the clasps that held the picture in its frame.

"Don't!" You heard the voice shout from the entrance to the room. You turned your head to the sound and saw Levi looking perturbed. "Please just wait, I need to explain everything first. Don't look at that yet." Something in his voice told you that you should listen to him, but what did they say? 'Curiosity killed the cat'?

"Levi, I have come this far without your assistance, I hardly think now is the time to finally come clean. Too little too late." You seethed, nothing was going to persuade you otherwise.

"I'm sorry, I have a wicked mouth, I should have told you from the outset, but at least listen to me before you understand what is there." He moved further into the room. "I never meant to hurt you, but I was trying to protect you from the truth." He almost seemed desperate, it was a warning, that you could not dismiss, but could you honestly say to yourself that you wouldn't look at it?

"Just like you tried to protect me from the Titans? Because that worked so well last time." You quipped at him, leaving traces of acid in your tone. He had confirmed that whatever you were searching for was hidden in this frame. Taking a deep breath and before he could move to stop you, you opened up the back of the frame and was presented with another picture, portrait in orientation, and the original picture for the frame.

You dropped the frame in shock and gasped, stepping back as you did so. Only to misstep onto a loose board and you felt yourself falling, proceeded with an agonising thud. You heard Levi scream your name and the slamming of boots on the floor. Your head was spinning and the world around you blurred.

"You idiot! Do you never listen to me?" Levi's words seemed distant even though you could feel his arms around you, he sounded annoyed, yet also anguished. "You are such a fucking stupid girl. I'll never hear the end of this from Lex..."

His voice washed over you as you slowly lost consciousness. Your world had come crashing around you, the revelation had taken the literal floor from underneath you, but you couldn't hold onto your thoughts they fell away to darkness.