They say people with destinies shouldn't make plans...
Ang kaso, hindi naman ako sigurado sa destiny na 'yan kaya nakaplano na ang mga gagawin ko in the near future.
Hindi naman engrande ang mga gusto kong mangyari. Mag-aaral, mag-lalaro dahil ito ang gusto ko at makakatulong din kahit papaano sa magulang ko, gagraduate ng highschool dito sa amin at dito na rin mag-cocollege...at siguro magtatayo na rin ng maliit na business. Simple lang. I have always wanted a simple life. At lagi kong iniisip, hindi naman ganun kahirap bago matupad ang lahat ng mga plano ko basta matiyaga lang ako.
Nakikita ko na parang nakalatag na mahabang red carpet ang buhay ko; dadaanan ko nalang hanggang sa makarating sa dulo... Dulo na more or less ay tanaw ko na.
Pero...
Pero hindi ko lubos-akalain na may magpapabago ng isip ko...
Sometimes talaga feeling mo sure na sure ka na sa isang bagay until suddenly, hindi na...
Hindi ko pala na-consider ang opportunities na pwedeng magbukas para sa akin. Opportunities na pwede ko panghinayangan buong buhay ko kapag hindi ko tinanggap.
And now, for better or for worse, na-realize ko along the way that maybe, I am one of those people who have destinies... That maybe, ever since, I was destined to be a part of something great... Destined also to meet someone great, someone who can slowly but surely change my life, someone like him.
...
Destiny? Yeah, I am quite familiar with it. Ever since the beginning, I never doubted I had one...
From the moment I held that small orange ball in my hand (huge back then for my little fingers), the first gift I ever remember receiving, people already felt I was destined for something; and later on, I did too.
Something people search for their whole lives, I have found when I was just learning how to walk. And maybe it was because of this feeling of having something I was certain I will always have, that I became who I was, an in-the-moment kind of guy.
Before, I never felt the need to make plans for myself. I only dealt with things when I was confronted by them. Mag-aaral lang kapag alanganin na. Mag-seseryoso lang sa game kapag nalamangan na. Mag-iisip lang kapag kailangang magdesisyon na. It has always worked for me back then.
Pero...
Pero nalaman kong hindi laging magiging madali ang lahat sa lahat ng oras. Lalo na nung mag-college ako. The stresses were almost constant, always threatening to overwhelm me.
The pressure was just too much at one point that I almost gave in. There came a time when I began to doubt not my love for the sport, never that, but my ability to excel at it. There are those times when I felt I just wasn't good enough; that I just don't have what it takes to be good enough.
And yet... Yet I realized along the way that if you really love some things, it would seem like you don't have any choice but to pursue them. They are and will always be worth it. They deserve your every effort to become better and better. And this...this dream is one of them. And also her; the place and person I didn't expect I will always have...and need.
:::
Kinuha ko yung first line sa Dreams of Gods and Monsters ni Laini Taylor. Pasintabi. :)
Havey o waley? :))
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