Finding myself in you

1

The morning when I woke up, everything felt off.
You know that feeling you get on Monday's? I had that feeling on a Wednesday morning, but only if you like multiplied that feeling by 20,000. Something is wrong. Very very wrong.

I got dressed as I normally would and headed out of my bedroom. My dad was waiting by the counter with a yogurt parfait in hand for me. I graciously took it with a smile.

"Have a good day sweetheart." He spoke as he kissed my cheek and I walked out the front door and down the elevator with a smile as I ate. However, I still couldn't shake the odd feeling.

When I arrived to school, all of the teachers and staff were huddled by the office. Students in their cliques were gossiping even more than usual. What's happened?

My boyfriend Bryson and my friend Adrianna both came walking over to me they were both smiling and laughing.

"Hey babe. Did you hear what happened?" Bryson asked me as he leaned against a locker. I shook my head, confusion on my face as he was still smiling.

"You know that sad boy with shaggy hair that's always alone?" He asked me. In matter of fact, I did.

"Beckett?" I asked, every nerve in my body feels like it just caught on fire.

"Yeah, I think that was his name. He offed himself last night." Bryson shook his head as my heart sunk. Next thing I knew I was on the floor sobbing.
I glared up at Bryson.

"How can you be so f***ing insensitive!? You're laughing about someone taking their own life! Do you know half the s*it that man has been through?!" I snapped through tears.

"Damn L, did Mother Nature hit you early?" Adrianna laughed.

"My childhood best friend of over 12 years killed himself and you two are finding humor in it." I shook my head as I stood up and began walking away.

"If you guys find your hearts, call me. Until then, stay the hell away from me." I called back as I walked out of the school building. Tears poured from my face as I walked to my car.

Everything began to set in. I knew something was off as soon as I walked on to campus. I had this feeling. This feeling of...

Emptiness.

Like a hole was ripped out of me. And now it all clicked. .
I sat in silence and remembered Beckett for who he is- was.

He was insanely tall, had dark unmanagable brown hair, a well sculpted face, tan skin that clashed with his light eyes.

My word, his eyes. His eyes were the most beautiful green I had ever seen. Although they weren't necessarily green. They had speck of brown, blue and silver in them. They were gorgeous. He was a very attractive man. A man who didnt deserve what he had gone through. I never understood why he was such an outcast, but since we were little he was always alone. He and I were close for a while, but some stuff went down and we ended up parting ways somehow. After that he became distant. I didn't know how to read him anymore. Or maybe it was just because he always had his face hidden.

This can't be real. This has to be a nightmare.

As I finally stopped crying, I drove down the busy streets of Manhattan to Queens and stopped by the old West bakery and walked through the doors. My senses immediately warm. The scent of fresh baked bread, cake, and any pastry you can imagine filled my nose. Tears began to fall again as I saw Maryanne West behind the counter. Her face red and blotchy. I walked over to the counter and ordered my once favorite pastry.