Finding myself in you

4.

"You're little brother died Beckett. And I- I left you when you needed me most. Why would you want our friendship to live?" I laughed bitterly.

"Leighton, you came back. And, I loved you. You're my best friend." Beckett spoke as he held my hand and looked down to me. I glanced up to him, his green eyes staring back into my blue eyes.

"I feel like crap about leaving, Beckett. You didn't deserve it." I frowned as I looked down to my feet.

"You can't keep blaming yourself, Leighton. I know that is why you left, you blamed yourself for Kyle's death. I did too for a while.. But it wasn't your fault. It wasn't mine either.." Becket spoke slowly as we began walking again, our hands still linked together.

"I left because I knew when you looked at me, all you could see was the reason why you're alive and your little brother wasn't." My voice shook as I spoke. The real reason I left slipping out of my mouth for the first time.

"Can we talk about something else?" Beckett bit his lip, sadness glazing his green eyes.

"How's school?" I raised my eyebrows. He laughed as he looked down to me.

"What's funny?"

"You still can't lift just one eyebrow. Every time you try to, both raise." He smiled. I felt my cheeks get hot. "And school is school. I'm ready for it to be over" He added as we walked through the gates to Central Park.

"Me too, honestly." I shrugged. He looked down to me, his face distorted to concern.

"You're really not happy.." He spoke more to himself. I laughed slightly.

"Haven't been in about a year.." I frowned as I thought about my life.

"I haven't either, Leigh." He ran his free hand up and his face and pushed his long hair back.

"You have a reason to be unhappy, Beckett. I just lost a friend. Your brother died.." My heart sank as I spoke. I heard him let out a sigh.

"He was your brother too, Leighton. You were with me the day he was born and he was raised with you as his sister. You're our family. Always have been. You have a reason to be just as upset about this as I am." He squeezed my hand lightly. I nodded.

"I guess my mom drilling me that you guys are not my family finally worked. She forced me into therapy because she said I cried to much over people who and I quote "I should not of been associated with". She was pissed at me when I didn't cry when my dads uncle died, I met the man once. But I cooped myself up in my bedroom and cried for weeks, over Kyle and you." I laughed bitterly, crazy how life works.

"So I'm a person you shouldn't of been associated with? I don't think that's very fair, Miss Priss." He smiled trying and succeeding in making me smile.

"Becks, What is your favorite movie?" I bit the inside of my cheek.

"Guardians of the Galaxy." He bit his lip as he looked down to me.

"Still?" I looked at him suspiciously.

"Still. You cant give me shit about it though, at least it isn't Lilo and Stitch or tangled." He scrunched his nose with a wink.

"Go ahead and say it." I smiled as I walked around him causing him to stop abruptly as I leaned onto his chest. He leaned down to my ear.

"You're a child." He whispered huskily as he wrapped his arms around me. I scrunched my nose and smiled a super cheesy smile. He laughed as he spun me back to the side of him and continued holding my hand.

"You know you love it though." I shrugged as I bumped into his shoulder and glanced up to him.

"Never said I didn't." He smiled softly causing his green eyes to sparkle and his dimples to appear. I smiled.