Depression - Adrienette

Awareness

Warning: Almost tries to commit suicide

The next day, I woke up to the feeling of something crushing my chest. I opened my eyes and tried to look at my chest. Not being able to see anything, I sat up. As I sat up, the weight remained on my chest. I clutched where the weight was heaviest, right over my heart. Then, a realization hit me. Is this what depression feels like? No, I can't be depressed. My life is amazing. My parents and BFF love me. But... I broke off my thoughts and looked at my clock. Weird, I didn't wake up almost late today. I shrugged it off and climbed out of bed. I felt something on my face and walked into the bathroom, looking into the mirror. My eyes widened as I saw tears streaming down my cheeks. I wiped them away and ran back to my room to get dressed.

~•~•~

At school as I entered the classroom, I saw Alya wave and ran up to her in her seat. "Hey Marinette," Alya said.

"Hi," I replied.

"Are you okay?" Alya asked. "You look skinny."

"Oh, I never realized. I'm okay. Thanks for worrying," I replied with a smile.

Then, the golden boy Adrien walked into the classroom, talking to his friend Nino. I gazed at him, my head on my palm. He was absolutely perfect. Adrien glanced up at me and waved and I hid my face. I heard Alya sigh. "Just wave back."

I didn't reply as Mrs. Bustier started class.

~•~•~

At lunch, I opened my lunch box to green beans, peas, and a sandwich. I didn't feel that hungry, despite my normal breakfast at the normal time that morning, so I just ate the sandwich and closed my lunchbox. "Not hungry?" Alya asked.

"No," I replied, shaking my head. I took out my drawing pad and started to draw, trying to get my creative juices flowing by continuing a dress that I had started designing yesterday. It was based on a ladybug and included a matching mask. So far, I had a long skirt and a red dress with black spots. Then an idea came to me. I switched the colors, so that the dress was black with red spots. Done drawing for he day, I put my sketch pad away. For some reason, I haven't been in the mood for drawing or designing lately.

"Hey, do you wanna hang out tonight? We can see if Nino and Adrien wanna go to the movies," she said.

"I would, but I have to help my parents with the bakery tonight. Sorry," I lied, wanting to be alone tonight.

~•~•~

After school, I headed home, feeling guilty about lying to Alya. When I got home, I flipped through my drawings of different clothes, resting on the one I had based on a ladybug. I flipped the page and tried to draw a new outfit, a bright summery one, but it turned into a dark dress with long sleeves and a hood. Then, skipping dinner and not telling my parents, I lied down to sleep.

~•~•~

I can't take it anymore, I thought. I had only been in bed for five minutes, but I felt something pressing on my chest. I knew what that was and walked into my bathroom. I couldn't take it anymore. My life had become a burden for more than just me. I could see how worried Alya was today and I saw the worry of my parents when I told them I wasn't hungry for dinner. I rooted around in my shower box to find my razor.

I could just end it now, I thought. Then, I wouldn't be a burden and everyone could stop worrying about me. With a shaking hand, I picked up the razor and held it to the skin on the inside of my right forearm. I took a deep breath-and I heard my door opening.