Chapter 11-Choose or lose?

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Lila wakes up several hours later, She didn't know how long she lay there or how much time had passed.

She didn't know who to choose and she didn't want to hurt either of them but this was her choice, Her Future.

Thoughts start whirling around her head. "You stupid woman, Are you not good enough just to be on your own?

On one hand, Drake is the bad boy and doesn't exactly obey the law. Plus she didn't need all his drama all the time. She knew he was a good guy Just slightly troubled.

But at the same time, Johnny is a good guy and she's been with him for a really long time. Ever since she first met him back at her job interview with him. She remembers how happy she was when they both got the job rather than one or the other getting the job. She did fancy him quite a lot and she was ecstatic when he asked her to marry him.

In terms of her actually trying to come to some sort of a decision, That was practically impossible because she kept changing her mind each time. This wasn't the type of situation where you can just flip a coin and be done with it neither was it as easy as simply rolling a dice and expecting the outcome that you wished for.

She didn't know what she was going to do but she did know one thing, This was her mess and her situation and it was her job to fix it. But this was something that she knew that was practically impossible. Let's face it, Her and Johnny's relationship was unfixable.

She did the ultimate betrayal and crossed a line that should never ever be crossed. That was a line that she thought she knew she would never cross but unfortunately, she did.Hindsight for her was a brilliant thing and a painful reminder of what she did and she wished that she knew then what she knew now.

But of course, Drake and her relationship was practically none- existent. Sure, They had a history, a past and since then they slept together with a grand total of once but in reality, there was nothing there. Drake had hurt her once enough and for her once was too many times.

Lila ran to her bedroom that she shared many happy memories with Johnny and emptied her wardrobe of everything she owned.

She grabbed her old suitcase that was gathering years of dust but she didn't care. She crammed everything she could into the suitcase itself. She didn't care whether it was neat or folded up, She just wanted to get out of there fast.

Lila looks around in case she forgot anything. She frowned at the bedside cabinet thinking to herself, "Should I leave a note?"

This once young naive girl decided this was the best way. Finally, she was close to actually making a decision. She looked in every drawer for a spare piece of paper. Eventually, she finds one and begins to write,

Johnny,

I know things haven't been great between us for a while now and that is because of me. For that, I am truly sorry. I am so sorry for bringing all this trouble to your door. I swore to myself that I would leave that life that I had with Drake behind and start afresh.

I hoped that it would be with you. but let's face it we can't be together. Not now, Not ever.

I screwed up, It was me that did this and It was me that put you in danger. I didn't want any of this to happen but sadly it has.

You deserve better than this. No, actually you deserve better than me. I am not the woman you should marry.

Once a cheater always a cheater right? I'm sorry, I just don't trust myself anymore and I don't want to break you're heart anymore than I already have.

I'm sorry, I am just not wife material. I knew right from the start that I was never good enough for you and I knew that I wouldn't get the happy ending I so desperately crave. I with great sadness need to tell you that I will probably never be good enough for you.

I'm not perfect but you should have a better wife than me.

I will always love you,

Lila.

Lila folds the letter up and stands it on the bedside cabinet against the lamp. Maybe she was already lost a long time ago? Maybe this was why she screwed up the best thing that could've ever happened to her.

For a while, the boy's Drake and Johnny saw it as a little competition to win Lila's hand. But she didn't she see it that way. Lila hated every second and whilst it was fair to say it was Drake who started it all but it really wasn't because it was all her.

If there was a lesson to be learned from it, It was this:

Be careful who you spend the rest of your life with and be even more careful who you give your heart too.

And of course there is one thing Lila is glad of that she didn't have any kids with either of them after all, bringing kids in this messed up sorry mess is the last thing another human being needs and at least she can take comfort in that.

Lila takes one last look at the life she's leaving behind and slam's the door shut. After all, One Door closes and another one opens.

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