SERVIETTE

three

I was staggering, climbing the stairs to my exam Hall.

Looking at the sea of mortals, who don't give a shit.

Reality hitting on my face at thousand miles per hour.

I try to breath-in at end of every 10th count, I can't loose my shit.

I see maze, blurred and distorted.

Blank and empty.

Does anything makes sense?

"Your a good friend" does make sense.

My brain is still working, I'm thankful for that.

A shrill sound of bell, knocks me to the reality.

A lecturer is walking towards me with bundle of paper, what awaits I know not.

Incoming ticket to hell called examination.

I received the answer sheet, squirming uncomfortable, flexing the fingers until I could hear crackling of joints.

I wanted this to end,
I wanted this to be over,
I wanted this done for once and for all

I need, everything to end.

I felt a short tap on my shoulder, I turned to the source,

"Are you alright?"
Stop this interrogation,
Hell with your concern.

Nobody cares,
Nobody wants to know.
I'm just nobody to you as you to me.

I wanted to vent my anger on,
but being the coward that I am.

"I'm fine" I answered,
sweat dripping off my forehead.

Tad bit softly the voice spoke
"Meet me in staff room after your done" and it disappeared

For what??
To interrogate further??
Knowing my pain makes you feel better??
Makes you the perfect human on Earth??

What are you to me?
Why show concern if it's only momentary??
Or am I gonna be your quick fuck?

I squirm more, sensing queering eyes on me I turn to my left, once again a concern etched face.

I give them the finger
They snort.
Of course they are at fault, for not minding their business.

I try to calm my nerves and with jittery fingers hold the pen.

I scribble scribble, nibble nibble,
I know not what was the question to be answered,
cause my eyes are hazy and brain short circuiting
How can he skip even 'my' to that 'good friend'??
How can he be so heartless??
How can he?
No, he is not the person who I know about.

It was his doppelganger,
yeah,
that's who he was
My beloved would never hurt me.

Did he forget to mention me about his twin brother??
Did I miss something?

"Ms. Ana" a voice suddenly broke my reverie, I looked up, the voice continued
"Your paper please"

Oh shit, what have I done.

I slashed out my answers, penned my name down and hurriedly handled the crunched up sheets to the voice.

I can't take this anymore,
These suffocating thoughts
I want them to end.

Before I knew it I was already running down the stairs, away from the suffocating toxic thoughts and odour, people with fake morality and concerns.

I'm better off in pain and in my personal hole.
Even my beloved doesn't accept me.
What am I of any concerns to anyone else?
I'm better off dead.