SERVIETTE

eight

I still remember the days when I followed you to the woods,

To collect dry wood for heater

You taught me few lessons of life

"Death comes over every human being,

You can't be biased of it"

Then why did you prolong your agony in death bed?

Surprising! I don't miss you.

Even more amazing I faked tearing up on your cremation

Because I didn't want to be owed for all the graces you showered on me

I still remember the eleventh of December twenty twelve

After the evening prayer on returning to dorms

I felt a funny feeling in my chest

I couldn't even lie down and rest

It was so unsettling that I rushed to my friends

Even after consoling I couldn't stop my tears

My roommate woke up every hour to check on me

It's still so vivid; when the sun dawned

I got the call saying you expired.

Mother's voice seemed collected

And my tears emptied.

On the way to see you one last time,

I recollected the January tenth of twenty twelve

I was just up from bed, dawn breaking

And you where at my bedroom door, teary eyed

When I asked what's wrong

You caressed my cheek, kissing my forehead standing on your toes

"My baby girl, you lived for eighteen years, doctors said you wouldn't even survive for eighteen days of birth"

Now that I recollect it,

Why didn't you leave me to die?

Why did you shed tears with my mother at night?

Because you where scared you would witness a cold body?

Your son till date says that I was an ugly babe

With peeling skin and lacrimating blisters and bawling eyes.

Why did you prepare a potion?

Who gave you the permission to save me?

So that in coming days you could conjure into my mind weird ideas

And turn me into perpetrator of all my mistakes?

What hell of life did you leave me behind to live?

Why did you bring life back to me?

So I would die of suffocation in future?

I remember those trips with you, to my cousins

Though they where vacation visits now that I think about it,

Where you trying to show me my begotten ones cant take care of me

Like my cousins were taken care of?

Was that your point?

Because it worked, it still works on me.

Your idea of turning my begotten ones as useless and vixen

Whose fault do you think it is?

Don't you have your share in the crime of ruining the "happy family" that was my birth right?

You raised a egoistical, lazy bastard, from your wedlock.

You wedded him to a well borne rich lady

Knowing well that your scoundrel son can't raise a family at his own cost

The vixen you call as, my mother, was his insurance to float through

And it's you who wanted a first child born into the family within a year of marriage

And I was the prize?

I don't know whether you're in heaven or hell

But you're the witness to my struggle these days

When I'm penning this down I feel like your wrenching my soul from dissing you further

But tell you what, you deserve this

You deserve to be dissed for sowing; such a poisonous weeds into my babe mind

My childishness, my innocence

I lost it all.

I'm at loss to categorize the situations of this wretched life of mine

Your beloved bastard tags me as 'useless child'

Do you know that?

Though you defended me when he slapped or kicked me

Do you know how badly he chides me with his cigarette rotten mouth?

For whose fault; For his own god-forsaken reality

He scolds me and my mother

I wish you hadn't saved me from my pass of eighteen days

I wish not to see another dawn

I wish to lose my breath in the confines of four walls of my room in the midnight.

You shared my slaps, my chides and even my appetite

I can still remember the variety of breakfast you used to prepare to cheer me up

Or the delicious evening snacks to soothe my hunger.

People say I'm plump and I point out, you're the cause.

People say I got nice skin and I point out, you're the cause.

Applying the face pack on my cheeks when I'm studying

Supplying me with hot milk or snacks during my study hours of exams

Waking me up from my study table

My personal morning alarm.

Even I wish I was dead on my eighteenth day on this earth

I'm thankful to you for giving me at least a few memorable moments of childhood

Which otherwise would have been a halo of dark abyss.

I'm grateful to you, thank you

But......I'm sorry.

a/n: DOUBLE UPDATE, I'm trying to finish off this work as early as possible

I might take a break of writing in next month because I'm going to pack up my schedule tight.

later in the days I'm just gonna be a reader and finish off works that I've to read.

I've a few works in my sleeve, all are in manuscripts, so I'm for sure gonna return into writing when I'm having time in my hands.

Thank You for reading the work.

It means a lot to me.^^