Why don't you need me?
Tyler walked up the stone steps to his friends' house and sighed in the familiarity. He worried that he'd been here a bit too much over the past years, but his worries disintegrated when Jess opened the door and gave him an empathetic look. She cracked it open further and hugged him tight enough to cut his circulation. Tyler didn't mind, though, he craved the genuine platonic affection.
"Hi Jess, sorry I'm such a mess right now," Tyler sniffed.
Tyler tried to hold in his tears. He was afraid to start crying because he knew he wouldn't want to stop. Maybe he'd become too comfortable here, Jess and Bobby didn't seem to mind. Once every other month didn't seem like a lot to them, and it wasn't like Tyler only called them when he was in the middle of a mental breakdown. He shared the good as much as he shared the bad, or at least he tried to. They hung out with each other whenever Tyler could spare the time, but Bobby and Jess were always mindful of his busy schedule. Bobby was his boss, after all.
"Don't worry about it, Ty. We can't always be happy y'know" Jess comforted. She never acted like Tyler invaded their privacy. He always felt welcome at their house. It was basically his second home by now.
"Babe, is that Tyler at the door?" Bobby yelled from the kitchen.
Jess called back a simple 'yea' and moved aside so that Tyler could walk in. Bobby ran across the living room to engulf him in the warmest hug possible (guilt-free, unlike Josh's earlier that evening). Speaking of Josh, he should probably check his phone soon. Usually, he'd get at least five texts from Josh asking if he was okay. Separation anxiety was a bitch.
He dismissed the thought for now. If Josh was going through too much, he'd call. Maybe that was wishful thinking from Tyler. As of now, he was too focus on himself.
"Right?" Bobby interrupted Tyler's invasive thoughts. Tyler glowed with embarrassment.
"Uhm, yeah?" Tyler responded sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm kind of out of it. Josh, uh, he did it again," he choked, trying to hold back tears.
Bobby sighed and shared a look with Jessica. She nodded and guided Tyler to the living room couch, but he felt more comfortable on the floor.
Jessica disappeared into the kitchen asking Tyler if he wanted any leftovers. Though he hadn't eaten all day, his lack of appetite declined her offer. Maybe he'd sneak off into the kitchen later and microwave whatever looks nice.
Bobby joined him on the floor and wrapped his arm around Tyler's slumped shoulders. Tyler took a shaky breath and relaxed into Bobby's arm, putting his head on his friend's shoulder. He thought maybe he was all worn out, but he right before he closed his eyes, he heard Bobby speak.
"You know you're welcome here anytime, right?" He asked.
"Yeah," Tyler sighed, he knew where this conversation was headed. "I know."
"Then you know you have to still have to talk to him," Bobby pleaded. "I love having you here, but you need to stop avoiding progression between you and Josh."
"But-"
"It'll become what it has to in due time, yes, but right now it's hurting you. That's not okay Tyler! What you and Josh have right now, it's not healthy!" He scolded.
Tyler knew that Bobby was right. Of course, he was. He has a healthy relationship with a wife and two pups. He knows better. He's probably been in Tyler's shoes.
But that didn't stop the hurt. The ugly truth that crawled out of Bobby's mouth wasn't ready to be faced. It wasn't the right time or place. There wasn't enough thought to it, not right now. At least that's what Tyler thought. As of right now, what he thought was probably wrong. That's why he has Bobby.
"Please, at least try to talk to him, Ty." Bobby pleaded.
Tyler made the mistake of looking into Bobby's wide blue eyes and caved. "Okay fine," he groaned, "I'll try at least."
"Good," Bobby rejoiced, "that's good enough."
They sat in comfortable silence as Tyler drifted to sleep. When his eyes snapped back open, he realized he was already in the guest bedroom. He was tucked in slightly, probably Jess's doing, and there was a bottle of room temperature water on the nightstand. Sometimes he forgets that Jess and Bobby aren't his actual parents because they treat him like their child in all the right ways.
He bounced off his bed feeling new. He wasn't completely okay, but he felt newer than yesterday, and as of right now, that was more than good enough. He stretched and began to search his duffle bag for clothes for today. He didn't remember what he packed, seeing as he was in such an emotional spur, but he was sure he had enough for at least two days (especially since he had the tendency to overpack). Cringing at flashes of muted red and green, he spread out his clothes to see how well emotionally damaged Tyler packed. Surprisingly, this time around he had everything he needed for the weekend (give or take a few t-shirts). He threw on a pair of Josh's sweatpants and a tank top and called it a day.
Instead of going downstairs when Jess called for breakfast, Tyler decided to reflect on his relationship with Josh. There was so much he didn't understand. It felt like they'd been a couple since 8th grade, but they weren't official and Tyler was beating himself up trying to figure out why.
Then the terrible wind of anxiety drew tears from his eyes. Was he being used? The idea of it made him sick. Josh would never purposely hurt him, right?
He groaned in frustration. He was so confused. They never had big fights, and they never hit each other. Tyler can't even recall a time where their fights went beyond where they'd eat out. Maybe it was emotional. Did it even count as toxic if it was one-sided?
They needed to talk things out, obviously, but it was hard. I mean how could you bring up such a topic to your best friend. Had Josh ever even considered Tyler to be something beyond a friend? The point is, Tyler feels way out of his league.
He didn't deserve someone as caring and understanding as Josh. Honestly, everything about him was perfect. His squint eyes, his curly hair, the whole shebang prove to be beyond what Tyler was into. Josh was a total package and Tyler was half a crinkled up receipt.
Tyler unlocked his cell phone and stared at his gallery photos of Josh. He had an entire photo dedicated to sleeping photos of his curly haired friend (it's not creepy). He glanced at the number at the top of his screen.
256 photos
Then the obvious clicked in his head.
This probably wasn't normal.
What they had was never a normal friendship. There were always butterflies and the want for more on Tyler's end. Every glance and smile Josh gave had been heaven on earth since 8th grade. The sped up heartbeats and domestic jealousy flow through his veins like fire ever since he saw Josh with his first shitty girlfriend. Tyler plopped back on the bed with defeat as he realized the truth.
He was in love with Josh.
The same fears wrapped around his heart like poison ivy, with the amount of impact doubled. He hung his head down in shame and wept in the guest bedroom, ignoring his friends checking up on his every hour or so. Once again he let his fears and irrationality reign. His body worn out from six hours of sobbing, he finally fell asleep with the same nerve-wracking sentence swallowing his intoxicated mind.
I've been used.
Suddenly, Tyler didn't feel so brand new anymore.
~
Ya bitch finished another chapter. How y'all feeling? I'm gonna die from the next chapter and I'm being consumed by school stress but other than that, I'm litty.
Anyways I hope y'alls enjoyed this
xoxo
