𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚘𝚢 𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝙻𝚎𝚏𝚝 | ✔️

THE Fear

"You look way too dressed up for this." I said to Jax as he stood in my mirror with a button up and some nice pants on.

"I look hot." I rolled my eyes and began to look at myself in the my bathroom mirror I was wearing baggy jeans and a dusty crop top. I look mediocre and I loved it. I sat on my bed with Jax and proceeded to stare off into space we had time to kill since dinner didn't start for another hour.

"You should put more effort into this." Immediately I felt irritation. I gave him a side eye and sat up so I could look at him while he gave me a good explanation for the fuckery that just came out of his mouth. He kissed me and of course that made me smile.

"I mean he left you and you should show off what he's missing when he decided to be a dick." I shrugged my shoulder he had a point.

"You are right i will change."

In 45 minutes I had managed to do my hair in a messing bun and in curls, I was also in a short denim skirt, a halter top. I put on a tad bit of makeup and I was still in fuzzy socks and I put on a necklace Jax got me for my birthday. Now I looked hot.

I called for Jax to come back in my room now that I was done and we still had like ten minutes to spare.

"So how do I look?" He didn't say anything at first but walked to me and kiss me. Ever since the night we first kissed he always kissed me. Not at school because I'm not one for PDA but in the car, at our house it was completely fair Gabe for us to go at and to say I loved it would be a fucking understatement.

He leaned out of the kiss and looked me up and down. "You look amazing as always." I smile. Mission accomplished.

"Thank you." He nodded and sat in my bed with all my clothes still on it. He's used too it. All the parties he's had to watch me get ready for are to many to count.

"How's my mom doing?" I was genuinely worried for her. She tended to do the most for guest even if we have known them for years.

"Your moms made lasagna." I nearly choked when he said that. My moms making his favorite meal. Not Jax, Ethan's favorite fucking meal. Like what the hell.

"I'm going to kill her." Jax looked at me confused and I really didn't feel the urge to explain. Hopefully he can read my mind.

"I'm not a mind reader. Tell me what's wrong?"

"Are you sure you are not because you just read my mind?"

"I thought I blew your mind." Of course he would make it more flirty than needed. Idiot.

"Why did I invite you again?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm thinking moral support or you just wanted to look at my sexiness all night." This is the one-hundredth time I have rolled my eyes tonight. He's not funny nor cute. I sat on my bed looked up at the ceiling with the glow in the dark paint splatters that Ethan and I did together. They looked like stars when the lights were of. This is the only thing that had a connection to Ethan in my room. Everything else was burned,
unnecessary, perhaps but it was very therapeutic and helped a little.

"Normally you laugh at my bad jokes and sarcasm what's wrong?" Truth be told I was nervous. I was on edge as the minutes ticked away. It became more apparent that I didn't want to do this no matter how strong I thought I was I couldn't do this.

"I have to tell him about the thing." A tear slipped down my eye. I rarely ever thought about this. It was once in a blue moon. Between the parties and cheer and high school, it was always a thought at the back of my mind left there on purpose. Something I never wanted to think of.

Before I knew it I was engulfed in a hug by Jax. It was nice, warm and loving but I resisted anyways.

"I'm fine." I lied even though I needed this. I didn't want it.

"You are not fine and Kian it is okay to be scared and not fine. Not everyone is perfect, when you tell him you'll feel better." His words were sweet as he whispered them in my ear and hugged me a little tighter.

I pecked him on the lips but again stated crying because putting up this front and Acting like I'm strong and making people believe that I was so put together is so hard. I lied when I told Jax I didn't miss being unseen. I missed the hell out of being unseen and not noticed. It was so much easier and blissful.

Our bliss.