𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚘𝚢 𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝙻𝚎𝚏𝚝 | ✔️

THE Loss

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked while I walked back into the kitchen and realized that all of them heard me and Jax conversation. Thin walls I guess.

"Why do you care?" I hissed at him. I just lost the only guy in my life worth fighting for because of him.

"Kian I still care no amount of time can change that. Not for me." I wiped my eyes and laughed. I probably looked crazy but that's how I felt. Like a complete psycho.

"Why don't you just run off to Amber or Avery or whatever her name is maybe you can be her best friend or boyfriend, care about someone else Ethan." He looked confused and then he looked hurt I could see it all over his face. His stupidly dumb face.

"Kian it's not like that with her, all I've wanted since I got back was us. To try again." 

"To bad okay, to bad I'm never going to forgive you because there's nothing you could do that would make me love you again." He looked angry no, furious as he began to to ball his fist.

"How many times do I have to apologize huh? I Don't know what you want from me at this point because I have apologized more times than I can fucking count on my hands and feet!"

"You know what I want, I want you to take two years worth of pain I endured, all the nights I spent crying and the numbness I felt every day after I lost our baby!" There it was the secret that nobody told him while he was away. The one thing that I would never forgive him for. Not being there for me because he took a mysterious trip to God know where, leaving me.

"What?" His eyes were becoming watery.

"You heard me asshole, yeah that's what happens when you have unprotected sex." I knew I was being insensitive at this point but I was angry. I was so angry I was crying more tears. But these weren't the same ones I gave for Jax these we're 'I hate you so much' tears.

"Kian." My mom said and from the corner of the room she was giving me a disproving look, apparently now wanting to speak up.

"What mom do you want me to let him process this for a minute? He doesn't deserve a minute, he didn't have to wake up one morning and there was blood all over his sheets, he didn't have to go through months of depression, all he had to do was leave and lie to me about it." I could see Ethan sitting on the couch letting everything settle. He looked up at me and I could see his tears. I guess it's not every day an eighteen-year-old boy has to hear he was going to be a dad.

He stood up and put his arms around me in a hug. Not because I needed it but because he needed it. He needed a hug because I knew him. Even though he was just hearing about it he would have loved nothing more than to be a dad. He already loved the baby I never had. Because that's just who he is.

"I'm sorry" he whispered in my ears. I let my hand slide up his back and pulled him closer. I don't know why but in this hug all my anger went away. Maybe that was the reason I was so upset all these years because I couldn't tell him this. Because I couldn't lash out at him. Because he never apologized for the only thing I was truly mad about.

"Don't be sorry just tell me where you were all this time. That is all I have ever wanted, the truth.." I was more soft-spoken this time. I felt like I was pleading at this point. This had eaten me alive for too long. Not knowing where he was. For the month I was pregnant not knowing if my baby was going to grow up without a father just to lose it. That was why I was mad.

"Kian." He whispered in a very soft voice but I found myself getting angry because with every syllable of my name all I heard was I don't want to tell you but I was not having it.

"Don't 'Kian' me. I told you mine now you tell me yours because I had to wake up to nothing two years ago, I lost my best friend of eleven and the guy I fell in love with all over the course of one day after he told he wasn't going anywhere and that he loved me and I let have my virginity." I was crying again. Ughh pathetic. All I wanted was answers. I sat on the couch and he took a seat next to me. He took a deep breath and looked at his mom and my mom and and me all in that order. He didn't want to tell me but I knew that he knew I was never going to fully understand or forgive him if he didn't tell me.

"I had cancer Kian."