Alone All Along

New Life, New Things.

Half an hour later I got out and dried off with a towel and wrapped it around me. Then changed my tampon.

"DIEGO!!" I yelled. I heard a car drive off. Great. He left me here.

"Coming!" he said. Or maybe not. He unlocked the door and looked at me. "I got you some clothes." he said. A black Xanarchy T-shirt, and Black sweat pants. Lovely. "I got you boxers too, but don't fucking bleed in them." he said, walking in the bathroom and shutting the door.

"Uhm... dude, i have to get dressed." I said.

"I know." He chuckled. Wow. Asshole.  I dropped the towel and he stared at me.

"Don't stare too hard, your eyes might fall out." I said. I felt a hand on my back. I closed my eyes and teared up. Was he about to rape me?

"Dont worry, i'm not doing anything. Put your clothes on." he said. I put everything on and brushed my hair and put it in a high pony tail.

"who was here?" I asked. His eyes shot straight up and stared dead into mine.

"Nobody. Someone dropping off something is all." He said. He was lying.  He put his hand out, wanting me to hold it. I sighed. I put my hand into his as he locked our fingers tight together. We walked to a bed room. "This is our room." he said.

It was a big ass room with a huge closet and a huge TV. "And that closet isn't full. We'll have to go shopping and it could be yours." he smiled. I actually smiled. I always wanted a walk in closet. What am i talking about? I want Grayson.

He turned the TV on and got on YouTube. I saw Grayson in the top videos and i started to cry. I missed him. I was scared and i just wanted to be with him right now.

"Don't cry. I wanna show you who i am." he said. He searched "Lil Xan" then it hit me. I'd heard his songs before. I was literally obsessed with is one song "Been Bout It" I just didnt know what he looked like.

"Been Bout It! I love that song." I said. He smiled at me

"You do you know i am." He said.

"I didn't know what you looked like but iv'e listened to your music." i said. He turned on the song. We both sang the song and he was smiling. I used to think his voice was sexy which made me laugh because like now i know him and like...wtf.

Beside his bed was a little fridge, he pulled out vodka and weed. "You down?" He asked.

"I haven't smoked for years. I used to be like a pot head." I laughed.

"Once a pot head, always a pot head." He said, handing me a fresh rolled blunt and a lighter. The First hit brought back a lot of memories. Just the taste of it was.. wow. Then he poured a glass of coke and alcohol and gave it to me.

At first I was hesitant because like... why is he trying to get me fucked up? But I took the glass anyways and drank it down. Little at a time cuz it was really strong. I've always hated the taste of alcohol. If I drink I have to have a big chaser.

He just sat and smiled at me. "What?" I asked.

"I feel like you used to be a real bad ass before you met Grayson." He said. I looked down. He was right.

"Yea, I have a past I'm not really proud of. I was addicted to pills for a while and there wasn't a second out of the day I was sober." I said.

"I feel you. I used to be addicted to Xanax." He said slowly with his head down.

"Lil Xan. Now I get it. Why would you want to use a name with a past like that?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Good question. Really. But I started this movement called Xanarchy where I help inspire teens to get off opioids. I know how it is. To constantly rely on pills to make you happy because everything else in your life is complete shit. You just can't seem to get happy unless you're high or drunk and when they wear off it only gets worse and- I'm sorry I'm just going on.." He said.

I smiled. "No it's okay. I actually understood everything you said. I could never talk about this stuff with Grayson. He never understood my past at all." I said.

"Well, I'm not Grayson." He laughed. I giggled and drank the rest of what was in my cup before taking another puff and letting the drugs fill my lungs. It was a feeling I was urning for for a long time.

I laid back and Inhaled another puff of the good, and slowly pushed it out of my lungs. My eyes began to get heavy and my mouth got dry and felt foamy. The back of my throat had a weird numb feeling to it and I felt like nothing was real... I was high.

He noticed and laughed. "I'm fucked up too." He said, his eyes heavy and red and he was talking really slow. He started playing music again and I wanted to dance.

I stood up and walked in front of him and moved my body to the beat. He watched me and grinned. "Dance with me." I said.

He stood up and stood behind me moving his body with mine. I held his hands and held them above our heads. I felt his breath on the back of my neck which made me shiver. At this point, I couldn't really control my laughter or my actions. The alcohol kicked in. Drunk and high.

We laughed and swayed and danced. He sat down and I sat on his lap dancing and moving my hips. He closed his eyes and held onto me like he was enjoying it. I soon straddled him and kept doing what I was doing.

He took my hands and intertwined our fingers while his eyes rolled to the back of his head. I laughed and reached over to get the blunt. I took another hit. And he lifted me up and laid me down on the bed, hovering over me.

Who was I? What was I doing? I had no clue. I forgot about Grayson. About Ethan and Danielle. I forgot who I was or my whole life. I was focused on the guy smiling down at me. I put my hand up and took his beanie off.

Curly brown hair fell in front of his face. My heart was pounding and I didn't know why. I read every tattoo on his face and he laughed watching me study him.

He laid down on top of me and I put my arms around him and held him close and tight.

...we fell asleep.