Beyond the scene: Jung Hoseok x BTS

Part 11: Never again

That night I somehow dragged myself to our dorm. It was dark out and probably dangerous to walk alone, but I just couldn't bring myself to care. Mr. and Mrs. Ji had stayed at the hospital, but sent me away. They probably had said something about taking a taxi, since the hospital was far away, but I just couldn't, couldn't remember. My mind was in that same odd blank state of mind than earlier the day, I didn't think of anything. I did not react when someone almost hit me with a bicycle, nor when people turned to stare at me on the streets. Our dorm is about twenty minutes walk away from the hospital, but that night it took almost an hour. Only when I stood in front of our door and fumbled with the keys, I noticed my hands trembling.

I dragged my feet trough the dormitory, hands trembling and my whole body shaking. Somehow I didn't meet anyone on my way to the bathroom, which was probably lucky since I don't know how I would have reacted if someone had found me. Still shaking I took off my jacket and threw it to trashbin. There went also my other clothes, I couldn't use them ever again. They weren't only unusable but I couldn't bring myself to use clothes that had had Haneuls blood on them, even if I could wash it away.

I stood there in the shower, washing myself in burning hot water again and again. I scrubbed and scrubbed and used up almost whole bottle of soap. Even after the water on showers floor hadn't been red for long time, when my skin had turned red long since,  I washed and washed. I felt dirty, so dirty, and I could feel Haneuls blood on my skin, I could see it, and I could imagine people noticing it the next day. I knew they would notice, they would know what had happened, what I had done, how I had again caused someone's death.

I remember thinking that I  should have stopped Haneul. I shouldn't have just stand still and watch her get run over. No, I shouldn't have even ask Haneul to meet me. I shouldn't have befriended her, I shouldn't have even met her. I shouldn't ever open up, or consider someone my friend, they would just get hurt. I was cursed and I had seen it, I had known it, I had but I didn't care. Now little Haneul had to pay when I should have been only one hurt. I hated it. I hated the fact that I had again caused someone else pain, I hated the fact that I had again see fear in someones parents' eyes, I had to again see someones parents praying for their childs life, praying that they would be okay. I hated how stupid I was, how weak I was, I hated it from the bottom of my heart.

I slided down the wall of the shower, water still on scalding hot, and just sat there, staring at the roof hands around my knees. My thoughts started fading until I had only one thought.

Never again.

529 words

AN: I have no words other than I apologize:(

As always;
with love: M. M.

Ps. Hobi is my bias now. I just love that man and his beautiful smile.

Pss. I don't intend to pair Hobi with anyone, but this story is about brotherly love. I'm really sorry about the confusion, I probably didn't say it clearly enough. I hope you still stick with the story even when I'm really sh*tty author and my updates are really late.