Broken Rose

Chapter One: I Failed

Hey guys I'm back with the Dear Max series. I hope you enjoy this bumpy ride but as always thank you to my wonderful beta Lucifer_Larry and for the amazing cover by -vampirewriter, my cover maker. Be sure to follow these amazing people right there! And show your support for them!

If you have any ideas for the storyline or would just like to see me write a certain story for you please be sure to pm me anytime! Thank you for your love and support, I hope you all enjoy the story!

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Beware of a rose, its color and thorns. It bites and punishes those whom wish to pluck its beauty, to snip its life short, to deprive it of such a basic act as living. Beware the rose, for its beautiful nature hides its dark intent.

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Oh my! Do I want to try again or should I tell him off? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I do. I love him too much to think of him with anyone else.

"Of course, Magnus. Always, I'm forever yours." I kiss him sweetly. Magnus smiles a smile that lights up his whole face.

"Well then, thank Lilith because I've wanted to do this for a long time." He's... oh, by the angel, he's getting on his knees! "Alexander Gideon Lightwood, will you do me the greatest honour of becoming my husband forevermore?"

Chapter 1

Two months later

ALEC

Red roses. That's the flower that Magnus wants. I don't know anything about weddings so I'll always agree with what he wants. Since we came out of limbo two months ago we've been working on talking things out. I've learned why Mags is banned from Peru, but I want to be happy. I want him to be completely and 100% mine.

I asked Iz if she might know a way but all she said was "I wouldn't know. I've never cared enough about someone to want them to stay." Which isn't true. She loves Simon but she's too stubborn to let herself feel such ways. She'll come around, or so I hope.

I sigh, looking at the colourfulness of Magnus' and my room. Thoughts of him are leaving me and walking away from me again. It keeps me up all night and makes me sick when I go to eat. Nightmares so bad that I scream my throat raw and yet no sound makes its way past my lips. I lie there in the darkness, shuttering and spasming. Trying not to wake the caramel skinned man next to me even though I wish for his his eyes to open. For him to hold me with such longing that it makes me bite my lips till blood drips its way down my chin to keep from calling out to my cat-eyed lover.

Holding him close to my body isn't enough anymore. Feeling his warmth next to me, it doesn't keep them at bay. I haven't told Magnus for the simple fact that I don't want him to worry. I'm not worth his worrying, his sleepless nights, or his heartbreak. I'm not worth his anything. He surprises me everyday by staying with me as long as he has but still I keep quiet.

I know they know that something is wrong. The looks, the pity in their eyes, it makes me sick. So what, I killed myself? Well, newsflash! It didn't stick and now I'm back. Trying the best I can to live each day at a time. So what if I'm slowly dying inside with worry and sadness? I'll get over it. I'll move on; I always do.

I still write to Max. Every night I write him a letter telling him how I've been and what I'm up to. He was my little brother, my sweet boy. I'd take care of him and hold him. Now all I can do is write words on paper knowing that it doesn't make it to dead ears, burned and buried. Hoping that he'll see them, that he could somehow. Tears well up in my eyes. I'll never see him grow up. I'll never see him fall in love and get married to the only one he loves like I...love Magnus? I wish I could be a thousand percent sure when I say that but how can I? After everything, him giving up on me, my attempt at killing myself? So what if he followed me to death? He can easily turn his back on me once again.

After everything is said and done, can Magnus really truly love me back? I can't nor do I want to see into his mind bur something is nagging me at the back of my self-consciousness. I fear that maybe Magnus has changed his mind about me and he's realized that I'm not worth his time. That I truly don't deserve his love. The tears fall and stream down my face as I realize with an icy cold feeling that maybe Magnus doesn't really love me like he says he does. Maybe he's with his friends right now laughing like I thought he would all those weeks ago. When we were still trapped in the endless void called limbo.

Maybe I'm really truly not worth love or to be loved. Maybe I was right in killing myself. Maybe... All these questions and yet no answers. Only myself to blame, only myself to hate. That's all I've ever done. That's all I'll ever do. Hate and hate and cut and cut until the day I bite the dust....

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MAGNUS

Alec. My beautiful, darling, gorgeous, loyal, kind, Angel.. He's broken. Unfortunately I already knew this, I knew it the first time I laid eyes on his icy blue eyes and his black as a endless pit hair. I could see in his eyes that he was destroyed by his family and how they acted. I knew you could take one look in his eyes and tell he hid something that he knew would devastate his parents and he thought his siblings as well. Sadly, back then my wonderful angel was not my own but the blond's. Believe me, I say that with disgust. Blondie was too self-centred to see the pain in my Alexander's eyes. To feel how desperately he wanted him to reach back. Tell him that he wasn't a freak like so many others thought him to be. If only he'd seen the pain.

Even after everything, he still doesn't think I love him with every fibre of my very being. My very soul belongs to him. I would give up my life for him a thousand times over and yet... it isn't enough. It never will be but I'm okay with that. I'll try a thousand different times a day to show my love to the only one I care for. In my eyes no one is greater than he. No one ever will be....

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JACE

My parabatai isn't the same. He looks lost. He looks broken, like his whole life was destroyed and he doesn't quite know what to do. I can't help him, can't take some of the weight off his shoulders. I wish with everything I am that I could hold him and protect him from the pain he hides; like a monster in a cage that people hide with disgust. Alec shouldn't hide like that. He's an amazing person. I wish he could see what we see. What Magnus does and why he loves him so much.

I didn't even know when he was at his breaking point. I didn't know he was losing a battle within himself that no one could see. I'm bound to him and I couldn't even sense the brokenness inside of him. What kind of brother does that make me? When I can't even protect him from himself? When I couldn't protect him from Magnus? Couldn't be there when he needed me the most? So what if I have the fire of heaven running through me? Alec is more important than winning this war. So much more precious.

I feel tears in my eyes but I can't bring myself to care. I'm beyond heartbroken. I feel myself laugh.

"Wow, the great Herondale. Heartbroken and crying. What would my father say?" No, Valentine is not my father. I remind myself wearily. I sniffle and my heart stops. In a chilling moment, a thought so horrible and so cruel pops into my mind. It stops me dead in my tracks.

I've failed my parabatai and he hurt himself killed himself because of me...