Daughter of Pennywise

Torn

Water dripped off the hem of my jeans. Staining the old wood of the hallway. I couldn't find it in me to care.

I stopped outside Niki's door, pulling at the wet fabric sticking to my stomach and wishing I could be that clever girl in an action movie. The one that's seductive and badass. Is a daring double agent, who stares down fear and doubt without a second thought. I wished I was that character, instead of the sniveling half monster who can't pick a life.

My knuckles banged against the door and my eyes smarted as soon as they settled on my cousin. Niki grasped me by the shoulders and studied my appearance in shock. "Jesus Ezra, what happened?"

I sniffed like a small child. "I don't know what to do any more."

Niki ignored my sopping wet clothes and wrapped me in a warm hug. I began to gasp out sobs into her shoulder, sounding more like poor Eddie every moment. "I don't what's right anymore. It's like my whole life's been torn apart and been glued back together upside down." I choked slightly. "I'm being torn apart."

Niki clutched me tighter, shushing in my ear. "Everything's going to be okay one way or another." She held me at arms length. "We love you. Me and mom both. Even if we're asses sometimes." She laughed a little at that, but I could see the veil of tears in her eyes.

I began to tremble. "What if I belong with Da-" I choked and tried again. "With Penn-" I nearly growled at my inability. "What if I belong with him."

"Then we'll miss you to the moon and back."

Niki and I turned toward Tessa. She stood at the end of the hall. Her eyes were red and puffy. If I'd expected anger I would've been sorely disappointed, for all there was was sadness.

Tessa walked over to me and placed a gentle hand on the crown of my head. "It's always been your choice. It just took me fifteen and a half years to see that."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Niki nod, tears flowing freely. "We want you to stay but we'll let you go if you ask."