Daughter of Pennywise

Blood

TRIGGER WARNING

Niki knocked on the bathroom door. "Ezra? Can we please talk? I'm a bit worried, you've been in there a long time."

I leaned back in the tub of warm water. My voice hoarse I said "I'll be out in a little while." I heard her hesitate, then the floorboards let me know she was leaving.

After I'd left the losers club in the street I'd walked straight home and into the bathroom. Though my shoes and sweatshirt were lying on the floor by the toilet, I hadn't bothered to undress further. My purple shirt was glued to my body by the water and had turned transparent. My jeans were heavy even under the water. Put together it left little to the imagination.

Even after all my time spent in the tub tears continued as a constant stream down my cheeks and dripping into the bath water. I sniffed and for what felt like the hundredth time reached for the razor sitting on the edge of the porcelain, just to let my hand drop back with a slight splash.

"Ezra..." the haunting voice of a child echoed up from the sink. I shrank back into the water, unsurprised but unsure all the same.

My voice trembled as I whispered. "Dad? Are you doing that?"

The same voice's distorted giggle echoed up from the sink drain. "Maybe...."

A drop of frustration came into my tone. "Who says I want to hear from you?"

"Do you want me to leave little Ezie?"

I gulped, wiping at my tears. "I don't fucking know."

"Do it Ezra."

I looked back at the razor.

"Do it...."

Despite all I saw that day I trusted that he loved and would never want to hurt me. So I reached forward again, the fool I am.

The razor was cool and slick in my hand. As I stretched my arm and raised the thin blade so it hovered just under the inside of my inner elbow, I paused.

"Trust." This time the voice sounded more like Pennywise's voice than a child's.

I winced as the blade parted my pale skin all too easily. I went to submerge my arm and stopped. My own blood floated before my face like a dangling ribbon of fluid. I studied the thin cut on my forearm as it continued to leak crimson blood, that should have dripped down instead of up.

A looming shadow drew my attention to my father's smiling face. The bathroom seemed small around his broad form and as he crouched down to level his eyes with mine, I couldn't help the eager smile that crossed my face.

His eyes, now their natural yellow, drifted to the cut and I looked down to find it completely healed. Pennywise ran his gloved finger over the disappearing scar. "Strong. Yes, strong." He chuckled and nodded, half to himself.

I pointed towards his eyes, curious. "You're  no longer hiding them."

"No more secrets between us Ezie."

At my pet name a strangled sob moaned out of my throat. Born of guilt and conflict.

My father took my face in his hands, tender and warm. "No. No more tears Ezra. Come with me. No more more guilt. No more."

I scrunched my eyes shut and gasped for the air I needed. "I want to..." I could feel his eager energy in waves "but I can't... not yet. Please don't make me decide yet." I whispered. "Please...."

I felt his lips on my brow and then he was gone.