Static Electricity | Sam and Colby

Nine

Something is wrong with Colby.

Brennen notices it last, simply because he sees Colby the least. The brunette isn't sly about how he's feeling, doesn't put up a wall. There's something wrong and everybody knows but nobody says anything about it, scared that one push might break him beyond repair.

Sam pretends not to see it and he pretends he doesn't care. He carries on as normal and records videos and edits and sleeps. He eats only when he feels that he might faint but that's really all he does. He's stuck in a loop, a circle he can't get out of. He's not sure he wants to.

The other housemates know, Sam knows they know, but they say nothing. Even Jake, new to the house and new to the rules, keeps his mouth shut. It's alien and strange and Sam's not sure if he's happy but it means that they won't address the suffocating sadness around them all and he's okay with that.

He's on his laptop in his room when Brennen finds him, sitting without headphones and just watching old footage of how things used to be. He doesn't dare think about what it would mean to him to have it all go back.

"I'm worried about you and Colby," is the first thing Brennen says to him.

Sam has so many things on the tip of his tongue, lies he wants to spit, words, words, words. They don't mean anything but he wants to say that he's fine, they're all fine but all that comes out is the one thing he doesn't really want to say.

"Me too."

And there it is, the truth he didn't want to hear, the thoughts he banished from his mind, bundled up into two little words shoved into the open like they didn't hold the weight of his world in each letter. He almost wants to take it back.

It catches Brennen by surprise and he flounders a little bit, daring to come into Sam's room and sit on the bed. Sam watches him coolly, pretending like this isn't tearing him up, like he'd planned this when he really hadn't.

"What are you going to do about it?" Brennen asks carefully.

Sam doesn't answer straight away. He feels like he's radiating danger, like he's a bomb and soon he's going to explode and wipe them all out. He wonders if they'd all go to hell.

"There's nothing to be done," he decides, turning away from Brennen and messing around on his laptop.

"Sam." There's a hand on his shoulder, a hand thats shaking. Vaguely, he registers its him that's shaking, not Brennen. "Don't give up like this. Colby needs you."

"He doesn't," Sam hisses bitterly. "He hasn't needed me for a long time."

Brennen sighs, long and deep. "If he doesn't need you, then you need him. Neither of you can keep this up."

Sam stares at his screen, angry and sad and tired. "Brennen," he murmurs. "Fuck off."

"No. You need to hear this Sam. I want Colby back. I want Sam Golbach to be the one to do that. I'm currently trying to find him."

"I'm right here."

Brennen shakes his head and heads for Sam's door. "You are not Sam," he says harshly. "You're an empty shell. Call me when you realise that being an anorexic dick isn't going to get you anywhere."

The door slams and Sam sits and he stares and he doesn't breathe. With hazy vision, he clambers into bed, burrows into his pillow and he screams. Long and muffled and full of pain. When he comes up for air, he sucks in a deep breath and covers his face and screams again.

Twenty minutes later, he's sitting in front of his camera, dry faced and calm. He's recording, making a reaction video, but each laugh sounds more hollow than the last until he just sits silently until everything goes flat.

Until he goes flat.