Static Electricity | Sam and Colby

One

Something is wrong with Colby.

Sam's not sure who notices it first, him or Brennen, but they both know it. It's disconcerting knowing that someone who seems so bright, so open and loveable and happy, can be so secluded and cold.

It hurts him, knowing that he can't do anything. For all he knows, he's the problem. Maybe Brennen said something. Maybe it has something to do with all of them but nobody knows because Colby doesn't talk to them anymore.

Oh, he says lots of words. He can rant and rave about something and pretend he's normal but he never says anything. All those words and nothing is ever really said.

Their joint channel stalls and it's the biggest red flag he's ever been aware of. Colby had always been the one pushing about their channel and now it's falling to ruins.

He wonders who's to blame for that.

Then Colby shies away from the rest of his friends and family. He's still laughing, still cracking jokes, but he's not all there and everybody wonders how long he can pretend before he runs himself into the ground. It's an unnerving thought because Colby is a really good actor.

He's even fooling himself.

He insists he's okay, tries to prove it by smiling more, talking. Talking so much and never saying anything. Sam wonders if Colby knows that they know. He would, he should, he does, because Colby knows everything. Colby knows how to outsmart them. Colby knows how to play his part.

It's just Colby Brock now, just that little kid from Kansas trying to be something on his own. He's pulling away, lured by the promises of Social Media and compliments, forgetting that he started it all with another blue-eyed boy who's sure he's about to lose one of the only people that ever really mattered.

The other housemates let it go because they have someone else. They don't have to worry about losing their other half because they all have another person to cry to. Sam doesn't. Sam's alone in this because Colby's actually leaving him and he's not sure if he wants to cry or scream.

It gets to the point where Sam can't see Colby anymore. He gets sick, physically sick, just by seeing that grinning face. Sam can't really see anyone anymore, they're all moving on with their lives. They've all got things to do.

Sam doesn't.

He can't blame them, he supposes. He can't expect them to dedicate their entire lives to that house, that same group of people that became a family. Everyone outgrows their old favourite toy and Sam guesses that he has to accept that because nobody's really fighting for anything anymore and that makes him sad.

He resigns himself to making solo videos but he doesn't shut himself away. He knows better than that. He interacts normally, pretending his heart isn't breaking, little bit by little bit, whenever he sees that flash of brunette hair. Colby may as well be a ghost. They have enough of those in the house, apparently.

He misses Katrina sometimes but he reminds himself that she moved on. She'd been pretty and funny and he really had tried but he just wasn't interested. He'd never been interested in anyone but Colby.

Of course, the blond knows that's wrong and it'll never get anywhere after he admits to it. They'd been best friends, brothers, and now they're barely more than strangers that share the same house. It's okay, Sam knows he can tuck away those troublesome thoughts and nobody would know any different. It's just that sometimes he wishes he can go to Colby like he used to when they shared a room, shared lives.

It's different now, he thinks to himself late at night when it hits him the hardest. Everything is different now so he has to be different as well. He has to lose his childishness, he has to lose everything that he values in himself otherwise he'll crumple under the weight of the world and he's not sure he'll have the mind to pick himself back up if that happens.

It doesn't help that he's lonely. Lonely and sad. He's not depressed but he thinks he may as well be because he can't breathe a lot of the time. It's like there's a fist around his heart and every time he blinks, it squeezes a little tighter.

Maybe that's why he can only be okay when he's asleep. He wonders what he's done wrong to deserve such a bittersweet life. He'd made it so far, he's so proud of everything. He has fans, a caring pool of support and love, he has a life. He also has a mansion full of mixed memories and ghostly people.

Sometimes Sam wonders if they are the ones that haunt that place.