Mr. Ruthless

Chapter 22

Picture of Zander.

Zander's POV

It had been a restless night, the reality of her words painfully cutting through me over and over again as they wrapped themselves round my head. She wanted to go home, who could blame her.

Home.

It left an odd taste on my lips. The definition of it long lost its meaning throughout the years of loneliness.

"I want to go home." Only she had no idea how much I yearned for the very same.

I sighed in content as the warmth spread onto my sleep deprived skin as the ear embraced my fingers. A waft of Arabic coffee inundated my muted senses. Not waiting for the steaming cup to cool off I sipped the bitter liquid, enjoying the energetic boost it provided.

The drink was devoured within minutes, creating a longing for something stronger. Bjorn was right, coffee alone was not going to keep me going for much longer. I ran my hand down my face, pondering over the last couple of days.

He was right, this is fucked up, I am fucked up.

My hand turned into a fist as a sudden need for release dawned on me. My eyes travelled towards the sports bag that rested beside the couch as I weighed my need to punch something off against the girl sleeping down the hall.

I sighed, unclenching the tensed muscles in my hand. Whether it was because I didn't trust her to be left alone in my apartment or the need I secretly felt to stay close to her, I decided that a trip to my boxing ring was not worth the bother nor the intent.

Instead I reached for the pack of Marlboro cigarettes that tauntingly laid on the counter. I grabbed the box with a sigh before making my way towards the balcony.

My eyes strayed a bit too long into the hallway before falling upon my watch, noticing morning was yet to break. Not bothered by the chilly air I lit the cigarette while it rested between my lips.

Breathing in the familiar smoky air, I felt it warm my body immediately. I closed my eyes, leaning my arms onto the balcony railing as I watched the night slowly drift away. The streets were calm but had never been as quiet as they were now.

The clingy silence swamped me with comfort. A sign that solitude and reclusion was the way of life I preferred, that I had chosen.

No matter how many times I had regretted this way of living, it always came back to moments like these. Proving wrong of my capability of social interaction, of love.

The seclusion I had forced upon myself offered tranquility and peace. I don't need anyone, people were untrustworthy. I was better of alone.

I shrugged myself away from the deepened thoughts before they could pull me further into the darkness that hung around my heart.

I sighed heavily before drawing in another puff of poisoned air.

"Those could kill you, you know." My muscles tensed with unease, my mind had momentarily forgotten about the residing angel trapped within these walls. My jaw tensed as her words registered their meaning into my brain.

"I'm already dead inside." I bit back grimly, my words weren't intended for her to hear but she did anyway.

Her lack of words proved that much. I rolled back my shoulders, drawing in the cigarette's taste one more time before flicking it down the balcony. Why would she care.

Her nose wrinkled up in disgust, clearly not being a fan of my habitual action. She clearly disapproved of my smoking habits. The thought made me suppress a soft smile.