Running Away From a Past Life

Chapter 13

   My baby bump was really starting to show at this point. Nothing I couldn’t hide for a little while longer, but any tight shirt would instantly reveal that I’d either gained weight, or was clearly pregnant. This stage was so awkward, my own clothes were barely fitting me, and maternity clothes would definitely be too big on me. I ended up buying a couple pairs of sweat pants and some bigger jeans, and a few t-shirts bigger than my regular ones. My outfit of choice was sweatpants or jeans and a hoody, it was baggy and didn’t show my slightly noticeable increase in weight. According to my doctor, my baby was about 3 inches long and I was at 13 weeks. Olivia and Corinna were my support system. They seemed to manage my moodiness so well, and even hid me in class when I’d start to doze off sitting up at my desk. One day Olivia asked me, “So are you going to call Ian or not? I don’t mean to pressure you but you’re almost in the second trimester of your pregnancy, and Ian has no idea he’s going to be a father, in fact, you guys haven’t talked in forever at all.”

“Olivia, his life is going to well last I heard, I can’t ruin it and drag him back here to ruin all of his future plans. I can do this alone.” I stated sadly.

“You still love him right?” Olivia asked, or rather stated in a way.

“Olivia we’ve moved on…and…ok yes, I do still love him…a lot” I admitted.

“Ok, and I was talking to Josh earlier this week about Ian, and he said that Ian told him over the phone that he can’t be with anyone else because he’s still in love with you.” Olivia pointed out. “You can’t leave him out, we both know Ian would want to be here for you and it would be unforgivable to leave him out of this kid’s life!” She told me, trying to approach the topic in a calm matter. It didn’t work all too well because I started crying.

“I miss Ian so much, and I try not to admit it but I want him back, I want him to come home and help me through this,” I spoke quickly through the tears, “but I can’t live with myself to know that I’d completely ruin his life.” 

Olivia dropped the subject, not wanting to upset me anymore.

    Another week passed, and I was officially in the second trimester. The nausea began to be less of an issue, and pregnancy started to seem a little less terrible. The only problem was that my stomach was starting to draw some attention, and there were so many rumors about me being pregnant and how I supposedly didn’t even know the father, and at some point a rumor even spread that I was having twins and was getting married to the “baby daddy.” I just ignored all of the rumors, yes, it was true that I was pregnant, but no other part of this was anyone else’s business.

    Yet Another week passed, and I was starting to feel so much more energized. I had another appointment scheduled halfway through this week. I was going to find out the gender of the baby! Aunt Liz went with me to the appointment, and the ultrasound showed that I was going to have a baby girl. After the appointment, Aunt Liz surprised me by taking me baby item shopping. We found a cheap, but good, crib and some newborn clothing in assorted girly colors. Life was actually seeming pretty good, although there was still a lot on my mind to worry about. Like, what I was going to do after I had this baby girl, and what I’d do with the rest of my life, and when or if I should tell Ian…I just didn’t want to think about all that yet, I had plenty of time to do that thinking later. 

    We set up the crib in my room, which was thankfully big enough to hold the baby stuff and my own bed and what not. There was no silly worrying about how to paint the room, as I already had it painted a light purple not long after I first moved here. That same night, while I was trying to get comfortable enough to sleep, I felt a light flutter in my stomach. My hands immediately went to my growing stomach, and I could feel an occasional bump from inside me. Things got real in that instant. I’d seen ultrasounds and heard her heartbeat before, but this was the first time I could feel her actually moving inside of me. I fell asleep soon after.

    “Ian, I’m pregnant.” I stated on the phone.

“I’m flying home now, why didn’t you tell me sooner!?”

“I didn’t want to make you give up your dreams, but I also know that you deserve to be a part of this.” There was instantly a knock on the door, and I answered it to see Ian standing there smiling. The first thing he did was lean in and kiss me, then he put his hand on my now large stomach, and told me he couldn’t wait to be a father.

    I woke up, in a way wishing I hadn’t, that dream seemed much too real. My mind was filled with unbearable amounts of guilt, Ian had every right to know, as soon as I found out I was pregnant. And now here I was, in the second trimester of pregnancy, with our baby, and he was clueless on the other side of the country. I glanced over at my alarm clock; it was 3:30am. Suddenly the time did not matter and I picked up my phone and dialed Ian's number.