Wolf Queen (The Fate of Berrilium)

Chapter 18 - Bonds

Chapter 18 – Bonds

I watch her sun lit hair. The thick blond curls are practically glowing around her. Her lips are parted, as she kicks her arms and legs out, a lot like a puppy would when its dreaming of chasing something. I continue to watch a sleeping Abby as light pours through the curtains. Soon after entering the room, and double checking that I was alright, she fell asleep next to me, hugging me while she did.

My heart hurt continuously inside my chest, as I stayed up and stared at the little girl that I'm so honored to call my own. I had learned earlier that she sensed me, when I arrived, and woke up. It surprised me, really. She often sensed me, since her own bonded wolf recognized me as her mother, but it was never strong enough to wake her up.

She probably sensed my distress. I roll away onto my back, and stare at my ceiling. I rub at my eyes, as exhaustion once again takes hold of me. I didn't bother trying to close my eyes. Every time I saw the darkness behind my lids, images of burnt and dead bodies show themselves, so instead, I stayed awake and watch my always active daughter sleep.

She's growing so beautifully, that my heart takes another jab, this one threatening to break my very soul. I won't see her grow up. Like many times, since I had transformed into that monster, I fight away tears. I fight harder not to crumble, and never leave this room. I turn my head, looking at my daughter made me feel heaps better, and at the same time, it broke me more.

I sigh, and stretch out my hearing. The castle is quiet, except for the castle's staff. It was always a crazy experience hearing them all. It's still so hard knowing that all of this and more is mine, to rule over, to take care of. Not for long, my mind whispers to me. I turn back to look at the ceiling, feeling my heart tremble, and like it has been doing for the past few ours, it tugs on my mate bond. I flinch as I feel Jake's response. I was unsure if he was awake or not, I didn't know how to tell, since this is pretty much the first time I've felt our bond so strongly.

Another thing that kept me awake. I could practically see our bond, coiling tightly around us. I could also feel my bonded wolf's content. I wonder if it's because of my psychotic break. Could that be the reason our bond is stronger? Because I need him, because I'll probably go insane without him? I shake my head and sit up, deeply bothered by everything going on. I clench my fists, fighting those damn tears again. I swing my leg over the edge of the bed and stand. I release a quiet breath, forcing myself to stay together. I close my eyes briefly, only to receive another image of that burnt boy, and that woman cradling him in her arms, sobbing.

I choke on my own sob, as I open my eyes and blink back tears. I don't deserve to cry, to break, I did those thing to those people. I took lives, I don't deserve to mourn them, not like this.

"Mommy." I sniff and swipe a hand over my face, making sure any evidence of any stray tears wasn't visible. I turn towards the bed, and look at a wide-awake Abby.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing awake. It's still early." I give her my best smile. In return, she gives me a wary look, then she turns to the window and turns back towards me. "It light out. I wanna go running. Can we go running? Please mommy." I open my mouth to deny her, to tell her its simply too early.

My mouth slams shut as she begins to give me her puppy dog face. Her pouted lip trembles and her beautiful blue eyes pop out as she widens them. I can't help the smile that grows on my face, my heart feeling slightly lighter. I nod once. She grins and screams loudly. She tumbles of the bed hurriedly and run over to me.

"Come on mommy! I wanna run!" She tugs on my hand, opens the door and tug me through it. We move through the hotel like room, passing by the living room, then the kitchen, and finally what I preferred to call our front door. I walk through it, being led by my little girl whose still in her pink pajamas.