Wolf Queen (The Fate of Berrilium)

Chapter 26 - The Fate of the wolf Kingdom

Chapter 26 - The Fate of the wolf Kingdom

Destiny

The trees sway gently, in a somber dance. The birds are quiet, and the small creatures that usually are loud and vibrant make no sound, silent in their burrows. The sun is as bright as it usually is in Berrilium, and the grass is a beautifully green, but there is a deadness, a weight, as heavy as the organ in my chest. I stare at the head stone, unmoving, my eyes wet but tears no longer falling.

I'm alone, everyone else has left, with sad condolences and tearful eyes. I wondered for a moment in between those condolences, why am I receiving them as if I've just been widowed. In an extremely inappropriate moment, I couldn't help but release a chuckle. Married, him and I? Maybe. It wasn't something we let ourselves talk about. It couldn't be something we talked about. It could have been any day that we found the other halves of our souls. Even though I wanted him to desperately be mine, my very being belonged to someone else, someone who at the time didn't deserve it, didn't deserve me.

I spend so much time between hating Jake, and mooning over him, that I paid him no mind. I left him out, even though he's been there for me for so long. My mind runs over our first meeting. So untrusting, brooding, and mean, but loyal and filled to the brim with love. I regret that I wasn't more for him. I wasn't enough, and I should have let him go, but I was selfish, and he didn't go searching for the right part of his soul. Instead I kept him wrapped up in my arms, praying to the goddess to one day make him mind. Guilt fills me, that was a betrayal to both men. I betrayed my soulmate by wishing for another, and I betrayed my lover by keeping him when I was never meant to have him.

So much time lost. The last time I spoke to him, was when he ripped me a new one. The more I think about it, the more I feel as if those weren't the words created by the spell. He was right, I should have told him I had a mate, I should have told him. I should have apologized, I should have begged forgiveness. With the world on my shoulder and insanity at me door, I never found the time. I regret my pettiness, I should have talked to him, even after our argument. His words although mean, were the truth. If I had spoken to anyone it should have been him.

A sob leaves my chest, and I stare at that head stone, until my eyes begin to burn.

"Derek, I am so sorry. I didn't deserve you, or your love, but I am forever grateful for it. I should have told you I had a mate. I shouldn't have been embarrassed, not with you. Please know I loved you, please know that. Know that I loved you to the best of my ability, and if I could have given you my entire heart I would have." I swallow the rest of my rambling as a soft breeze, almost like a caress blows against my cheek. The touch familiar to my heart.

I may forever be sorry for this, but at least I know in my heart of hearts that he's with our goddess.

"Take care of him great goddess, and send the other half of his being that's worthy of him, even in death." With that I turn away from the large headstone and make my way back to the castle.

A few days later, I sit at Jake's side, my heart filled with grief and barely there understanding. I look to Mark and release a sigh. "Why am I alive? How did I survive?" I ask quietly. The question tumbles out, as I'm grateful for my life, but beyond confused.

"I don't know. But from what you've explained to me, I think the goddess herself interfered."

"I thought they weren't allowed to do that." I say confused, and groggy. "True, but after years of suffering, any mother would have done the same, regardless of the rules. She didn't allow you to die, not completely. But you were the one that took that poison and made it your own, cleansing it with your pure being, and demanding it to surrender itself to you, when you surrendered yourself to it."

I don't really understand, and one day, when my mind is fixated on disabling grief, I'll figure it out. But for now, all I really want to do is clutch Jake's hand.

He's been asleep for four days now, since the battle with Kaman and his small army. I am very aware of the losses and the injuries that my people, friends and family have suffered. I look at Jake's face, his bruises no longer visible. It seems that he did fall off that cliff, but thankfully not into the water. He was caught by a ledge and knocked unconscious. His body was filled with harsh tears from Kaman's talon like nails. His bones cracked, from the beating and the fall. He was barely alive, when a green-eyed dragon scooped him up and brought him to my side, where I held Derek's lifeless body. Grief claws at my insides, causing me to feel sick. My heart clenches at the sacrifices made by many, some with their body's and others with the release of their souls.

A gentle hand rests on my shoulder, but I don't look up. "It's going to hurt for a long, long time, but it'll get better, and you'll remember him, because you've given him a place in your heart and your soul. He's with the goddess now, but you'll meet again." With that, Mark releases my shoulder, after giving me a gentle pat, before leaving the room.

After the funeral for Derek was held, I've been holed up in this room, by Jake's side. I stare down at his face, his eyelids twitching as if he's having a fast-paced dream. I take a much-needed breath before relearning the angles of his face. His cheeks and chin are covered in a dust of growth that makes him look much more rugged than he really is. His nose is still a bit crooked. His eyebrows are relaxed, but there are a few lines between them. His lips are full and a bit chapped, having not tasted much water since he's been asleep for so long.

My grasp on his hand tightens on his hand, as realization forms.

"What now?" I ask him, willing him to open his eyes and answer me. What do I do with this life I've fought and won for? What do I do with a mate, who was under a treacherous spell, didn't want me, and choose another? What do I do, now that I have lost more loved ones? Am I the same? Am I tainted with darkness? I had heard the whispers of my wolf's new form. My fur was still snow white, but my claws are longer, black. Coming out of my head are two long, devil like horns. I haven't bothered to shift since I've heard, afraid that I will awake something inside me, not just wolf. I sigh, as sit and think about what I do next for a long while.

It's only a day later, when Jake finally opens his eyes. He's sitting up and seems to be without pain. He stares into my eyes and I stare into his. My own immediately waters, and too my surprise, and blurred vision, so does his. We don't say anything in those few minutes, my hands folded in my lap and his at his sides, clenched into tight fists.

Now that he's awake, our bond is practically humming as loud as an electrical plant. I swallow as a tear leaks out of his eye.

"I'm so sorry Destiny," are the first words that come out of his mouth. I stay silent, and a tear of my own treks down my cheek. I force myself to hold still, any movement might lead to me tackling him, or something equally as drastic.

"I've been hurting you, killing you, for years. It doesn't matter that I was under some sort of spell, I should have been strong enough. I shouldn't have had doubts about your strength, that the spell manipulated into something else. Those doubts should never had existed. I swear I'll spend the rest of my years trying to earn your forgiveness. I will shower you in my love, and I hope one day that-

He doesn't get to finish. My once quiet wolf howls into the air, and I jerk forward planting my lips to Jake's. The kiss is unlike anything we've had before. It's always feel like the first time with him, and although my heart is still wounded by guilt, regret, and the stabs caused by him and my family, I take this moment to let him know that all is forgiven. It may be weak to some, but I wouldn't be the pure being I was meant to be, if I didn't allow myself to forgive.

I feel him, I feel his regret and sincerity. I feel it to my bones, my very core, that his love for me is a force to be reckoned with.

"I know." I whisper, tears trekking down my face. A hoarse, almost silent, sob racks through his body. "Goddess I love you. Please know that." I peck his lips, tasting him, repeatedly. "I know. I know." I will never forget the things he did. The years of rejection and the feeling of being unwanted will always be hidden deep inside me, but I know his words are true. I know that he'll spend the rest of his days, making sure I never feel like I once did, ever again. With that thought firm in my mind. We give over our souls completely, to each other, embracing this feeling of being a mated pair.

I know what I'm going to do next. Something the other queens didn't get a chance to do. I'm going to live, survive, and rule my kingdom. I'm the queen of wolves, and this is my king. The fate of this Berrilium kingdom is secured.