Battles

Chapter 5

Katniss P.O.V.

"You don't have to stay here with me," I say to Gale.

He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't have anything else to do."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Are you just staying with me because of what I said earlier?"

"What? You mean about wanting to die?" Gale asks me. "I'd be lying if I said that doesn't have an influence on my decision to sit here with you."

I take a deep breath. "Gale, I'm not going to try anything. I was just upset. I still am. But that was dumb of me to say that. I don't really want to die, I just want the pain to stop."

"That doesn't convince me too much," Gale says.

"Why do you care anyways?" I ask. "I'm not your responsibility."

"Katniss, I've told you this before. When we were fighting in the Capitol before Peeta got shot, he…"

"Made you promise that you'd look after me if anything happened to him," I say. "Yeah, I know."

"Look, Katniss, I'll leave if you want me to," Gale tells me.

I shrug my shoulders. "I guess you are keeping my mind off everything. I'd go crazy in here by myself," I reply. "Anyways, I wasn't asking you to leave. I was just letting you know that you don't have to sit here with me."

"I know I don't have to," Gale tells me. "I want to."

"I appreciate it," I tell him truthfully. Willow kicks hard, and I wince.

"You okay?" Gale asks me.

"Yeah," I sigh as I rub both of my hands over the prominent swell of my stomach. "Someone's just really active right now."

I look over at the monitor to see that nothing has changed drastically since this morning. Once I see confirmation that Willow is okay, I can't look away.

"Katniss," Gale says softly.

I take a deep, shaky breath. "I'm afraid that if I look away, something will go wrong and it will change."

"Katniss, you looking away isn't going to change anything," Gale tells me. "She's fine."

"I… what I said earlier about dying, that was dumb of me to say," I say truthfully.  "If anything happens to Willow, it will be my fault."

"If anything did happen to her, it wouldn't be your fault just because you said that you want to die," Gale tells me.

"It's not just that," I say as I finally look over at Gale with tears streaking down my face. "Before Haymitch told me about what happened to Peeta, I had an awful thought."

"People think dumb things all of the time. It doesn't mean anything."

I swallow hard. "I wished I wasn't pregnant."

"Well, did you mean it?"

"No, of course not," I say quickly.

"Then it doesn't matter," Gale says. "It was an unwanted thought and nothing more, right?"

"I still feel awful about it," I say. "Maybe this happening to Peeta is my punishment for being such an awful person."

"Don't think like that," Gale tells me. "You're not being punished for anything, Katniss."

"Then why? Why is everything falling apart?" I ask.

"Bad things just happen. There does not always have to be a reason, and it's not always your fault."