In Search Of The Goddess

Log One

The Goddess requires honesty in all things, particularly to oneself. Lying is only acceptable if the reasons are true to your heart and feels right in your soul.

It does not feel acceptable to lie now.

I left my monastery in search of She Above All.

But that was not the only reason.

Part of me is looking for her. Not just Her.

I had my first romantic feelings at age seven.

Reverent Lily was patient and kind enough to teach me, the only child of the monastery. And her kicks were masterful. She took me to the rose garden to learn. The perfumed air was viable to keep the mind quiet enough to focus on exactly how to move one's body.

She held Muay Thai pads for me to kick. I was so small she had to hunch over for me to even attempt to reach them. Reverent Lily was in her forties. She lively and jokey, her cheeks were always rosy with laughter and her eyes always sparkling mischievously. She loved pranking the other Devotees.

"Higher. Higher. Harder. Harder," she called out sternly. She took her teaching very seriously. After training she would cut the biggest rose for me as a reward. Sometimes she would enlist my help in teasing the Devotees.

One day when she delivered me to the kitchen to help prepare midday meal, I told her my feelings.

"Reverent Lily, you are more beautiful to me than sunshine reflecting off of ice chips." She smiled wider (she was almost always smiling) and patted me on the arm and said "Thank you," and, "How kind of you to say so."

I was fifteen when a band of travelers stayed with us. We often took in wanderers but this was the first group I could remember staying with us. They played music for us by the evening fire as repayment. We only ever chanted in the monastery, I was enchanted by the sound of their instruments. The elven flutist, Germaine, had brilliant red hair like a fire and she smelled like tropical flowers. She told me of their visits to the Northern Federation. They were on their way to Paramount Midway. She told me I had blessed hands and an eye that could see beyond the obvious. I quickly feel in love with her. I mourned her after they left three weeks later. They packed up in the middle of the night, stole our good candlesticks, and left.When the cold is harsh and the wind is bitter, I think of her wild fire hair and tropical scent and try to forget how cold I am.

Obsequious Julian called me to her proper rooms the day after my twentieth birthday. We had spice cakes and made flower crowns for each other. I hung mine on my bedpost to dry out.

"Humble Melek. I called you to me because She has called me to her. The Goddess has spoken to me in the form of a vision. I saw Her in pain, calling out to me. She said to send someone to find Her. I knew at once, the one to send was you."I was stunned, I was kneeling on her small carpet, my eyes trained down, the tracing the woven fibers. I began to shake after she spoke. A cold tingle started on my bare scalp and fell in waves down my spine.

"Obsequious Julian, I am not worthy. I am only a Humble servant."

"Humble Melek. You have been ready for sometime."

I looked up at her, tears gathering in my eyes and spilling down my cheeks.

"I am afraid," I said. She took a small soft cloth and wiped my tears away.

"I know. It is a fearsome thing. To venture into a world you've never known. You are the strongest of us and I know you would fair well. That is not the only reason I chose you. I know how you felt about Reverent Lily and the travelling musical Elf, Germaine. You have come to the point where old women cannot help you grow any farther. It is time for you to leave and explore. Come back to us when you have found Her."

I was shaking but I held my kneeling position. I clasped a fist to my chest and nodded.

"I will find Her. You will hear Her voice again and know that I have succeeded. I will not fail. I will not stop until I have fulfilled your wishes, Obsequious."Obsequious Julian nodded, placed both hands on my head and murmured the Lady's Prayer. She got up stiffly from her hard wooden chair and pulled a pack out from under her bed. She gave it to me and went to her wardrobe. The pack held prayer candles, the holy Texts, and religious artifacts. I looked up as she pulled several long white draperies out of her wardrobe.

"In accepting this quest, you are no longer a Humble. You are now a Pious and have earned the Pious robes."

A few more tears slipped out of my eyes and Obsequious Julian hugged me warmly. She helped me out of my gray Humble clothes and into the Pious robes (nudity was not shameful to us).And I left my home. The one I had known since childhood in search of True Divinity. I was tasked with finding friendship and love, to spread the Word of the Goddess, and if I succeeded, I would be Obsequious in training on my return.

It has been three months thus far. I have murdered to save myself and my new friends. I have laid hands on the dishonorable. I pray every night the Goddess leads me and in the right direction and forgives me for wrong turns. I mourn those I have wounded and killed. I anoint the bodies and bury them as well as I can.

I travel with two people much smaller than myself. I feel too large next to them and worry almost constantly about crushing them accidentally. There are no Orcs in the Northern Federation. Only a Half Orc that follows one of my companions.

There is Nic, an honorable kobold thief who helped save me from malicious guards who would do me harm. And the powerful wizard gnome, Javor, who can kill with a flick of the wrist.

They have helped me in my search of the Goddess. In return, I have done unforgivable things. I worry the Goddess will not accept me with the sins I have traversed. We have helped a human achieve necromancy. We have lied and stolen for money.

We have also done great goods. We helped the poor Stonewhit children, bringing them rations and supplies. We restored a young addict to her parents for help. We brought unionism to underpaid, overworked employees of a belt shop.

I hope this has been enough.