The Curious Case of the Two Dirk Gentlys

5: Sense of Humour Failure

The first step to any successful case was scoping out the area. It was all very well running in head first (it could be quite interesting occasionally) but doing so had led to more near death experiences than Dirk was comfortable with. Now that he had actually had friends and somewhat of a life to lose he was eager to hang onto it. There had to be some degree of waiting before the storm inevitably hit, a few seconds just to scan the room.

Dirk and Todd entered the tiny family run cafe in dark sunglasses and leaned up against the front wall. They perceived it as casual; they were severely wrong. They didn't stay in that position for more than two minutes anyway. The lady at the counter, presumably the owner, was pretty insistent that they buy something and wouldn't stop yelling until they did so. Eager not to make a scene the pair returned back to their spot with two skinny lattes. They reluctantly admitted it looked less cool but it was better than being thrown out. Still, there they stayed, sunglasses and all, and kept an ear out for a man with a Scottish accent. Forty minutes and another skinny latte later one finally arrived.

Their client was a brown haired man who took absolutely no notice of them as he entered. Instead he headed straight to the counter, ordered himself a cup of earl grey, and sat at a corner table alone. Since there weren't many lonely Scottish men wandering around Watford they presumed (and hoped) he was their guy and slide into the chairs opposite him.

"Are you the guy?" growled Todd. He hoped it would simultaneously disguise his voice and make him sound like a bad-ass. Despite hurting his throat it succeeded at one of those things. Unfortunately, disguising his voice from a stranger (and one who was on their side anyway) was ultimately pointless.

"I'm...sorry?" the man answered uncomfortably.

"You called us at 11:44:32 am on Tuesday about a woman and a theft. Here's our card." Dirk continued in a similar grizzled voice. He slide over their 'card' which in reality was a napkin with 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency' and the office's phone number scribbled down in black pen.

"You took down the exact time?" grumbled Todd.

"No, I guessed. Don't ruin this for me, Todd." Dirk whispered.

"Ah, I get it. This is a joke." the man smiled.

"Um no." Dirk replied. He glanced at Todd, hoping he would know what to do, but he just shrugged.

"You tell a man one time that he's suffering from a sense of humour failure and he spends the next five years trying to prove a point." the stranger shook his head. Before either Dirk or Todd could interject the little silver bell above the door rang once. While Todd took little notice Dirk and the client turned their attention towards the entrance. In walked a man in his late forties to early fifties. He was a tall, thin fellow with black curly hair and glasses. Despite the fact that the sky was blue and the sun was shining he wore a thick dark brown trench coat and a hat as if it was the middle of winter. Under normal circumstances they might have let him pass on by. Of course, a case could never start under normal circumstances. Instead it started with their client springing out of his chair and running towards the counter where the man stood.

"Dirk." the client called over. The curly haired man, presumably Dirk, turned around and was notably surprised by the clients presence.

"Richard." the older Dirk exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you to stop messing about and start doing your job." Richard replied bluntly.

"I never mess about, Richard, you know that. What exactly is this job I'm supposed to be starting?" he asked calmly.

"The disappearing furniture case. I called you about it on Tuesday." Richard explained.

"I haven't received any calls all week. My phone's broken." said the man.

"Well...then what are you doing here?" asked Richard.

"Do I need a reason to buy a muffin and bottle of water?" asked the man.

"Dirk." Richard growled.

"Fine. I was lost, I stopped for directions." he admitted.

"I told you to get a sat-nav." Richard sighed.

"And I told you not in a month of Sundays." the man snapped. "Who are they?" he pointed at Dirk and Todd who were staring at them through their sunglasses.

"I don't know. I presumed they were with you." Richard shrugged.

"Well..." the man tried to think of some reasonable plan of action. All he really wanted was a snack and a way home. He didn't want a mystery dumped on him. Still, adventure called. "We'll just have to find out won't we?"