The Curious Case of the Two Dirk Gentlys

33: Siege

When leading a life such as the one Mona led it was always important to keep a positive outlook. For example, the positive side of her current situation was that they'd worked out what the man outside wanted and who he was waiting for. Unfortunately, a slight damper was placed on this revelation as what he wanted was to conduct a modern day seige on their office and who he was waiting for was a small army.

They'd been out there for three hours: soldiers, machine guns, tanks, and not a single shot had been fired. The group, who had all learned in their own ways not to rise to threats of violence, had stopped for tea and biscuits in the meantime. Farah dragged her chair away from the window for safety, Mona got busy making up for the cup shortage by being one, and Bart had made herself comfortable on the stairs, periodically insisting she could 'take them'. At the front of the pack stood Ken, limping on a cane but nevertheless doing  surprisingly well, and the smug face of Mr Priest.

"We don't want to hurt you. Come out with your hands up." Ken shouted through a megaphone. After three hours the words had stopped meaning anything. They we're just noises that grated on the fragile minds of everybody involved. Mr Priest insisted that they should be using their hard earned army. Ken had won it with a smile just as promised and now it was just sat there. Ken was pretty sure bursting in there wouldn't do much good. After all, the last time an army was used against a Blackwing project very few men had escaped with their lives and all they had gained was him. It was hardly a worthwhile prize. However, psychological games were powerful. Psychological games could work magic. With a tank on the doorstep and limited provisions in the cupboard eventually they would have no choice but to surrender. The projects would have to come home.

"Just a knife. Maybe a fork." Muttered Bart.

"Bart, we are not risking it." Asserted Farah.

"It doesn't have to be a sharp knife. Just a butter knife."

"No."

"...what about a spoon?" She asked.

"What are you going to do with a spoon?" Farah shouted in shock.

"...things."

"We have to get out of here." She sighed.

"No way. The universe won't let us tour around America together. Two holistics together and things get really weird really fast." Bart explained.

"Okay the problem is in America so...maybe we should try and get out off the country." She suggested.

"To where?" Asked Bart.

"Dirk is in England and he hadn't called to say there's an issue so...we should go there." She decided.

"Alright, smart ass how'd you plan to do that? You ain't got no money. I ain't got no passport." She pointed out.

"I could be your passport." Announced Mona, suddenly bursting back into her human form. Farah sighed as tea spilled all over the floor. Somethings simply didn't transfer.

"And the money?" Asked Bart.

"Oh I can only do one thing at a time."

"Okay, okay there's got to be another way of doing this." Muttered Farah. There had to be someone out there who owned them a favour. Could she still call Lydia? Even if she could what would Lydia do? She was a girl against the government.

"I could fly us out." Suggested Mona. "Light aircraft, jumbo jet. Whatever you want. I can even do first class."

"We wouldn't get passed air traffic control." Farah grumbled.

"I know a way to emergency land that would keep the two of you alive."

"Would it keep you alive?" Mona went silent, Farah nodded. She didn't think so."Maybe we should focus on getting out of here first." She suggested.

"Oh now I can fix that." Bart smiled. "Just give me a knife and-"

"No." Farah snapped.

"We don't want to hurt you. Come out with your hands up." Ken repeated for the millionth time. Farah, filled with pure frustration, wouldn't have minded going out there and throwing a knife or two at him herself.

"Can you say something else?" She shouted out of the window.

"Um...we don't wish to harm you. Surrender with your upper limbs skyward." He shouted nervously.

"I can help get us out of here." Smiled Mona.

"Really?" Asked Bart.

"Of course. You'll have to leave the room for a moment though. Safety reasons." She nodded.

"Okay then. Come on, Bart." Farah herded Bart into the kitchen and out of the way of whatever Mona needed to do. They had no time for small talk as the entire building erupted into noise. Wood splintered as desks and chairs were crushed against the walls, cups shattered into a million pieces. After a few seconds of silence Bart and Farah were greeted by the cheerful hoot of a horn. Unsure of what to except the pair stuck their heads around the door.

"Oh that is awesome." Announced Bart.

Outside Ken's feet were beginning to ache. When a man on as many painkillers as himself started experiencing any kind of pain there was clearly a problem. Still pain is feet distracted from the hole in his back and the increasing pressure in his head as Mr Priest attempted to drive him insane.

Mr Priest, having some how managed  to unfire himself, wanted to be the one calling the shots. Unfortunately for him Ken didn't want any shots to be called by anyone. So instead Mr Priest spent all his time criticizing or more accurately complaining.

"You order an army. A complete army,  tanks and all, and what do you do? You stand outside." Said Mr Priest.

"You were the one who wanted the army." Ken reminded him. "And there's method to my madness."

"If we burst in there now Lamda wouldn't have time to change and we'd have her like that." Ken jumped as the click of Priest's fingers echoed through the silent car park.

"Or we could end up in a fire fight and kill the person we're trying to bring in." Ken snapped. "Do you have music?"

The pair listened, as did the entire army. Sure enough the sound of green sleeves floated through the air. It was almost peaceful. The relaxation didn't last long as a rumble and a crash forced it's way through the wall. The poorly trained army jumped aside, as did Ken, losing his cane in the process, as a dust covered ice cream van came barelling towards them.