The Curious Case of the Two Dirk Gentlys

35: Bedtime stories for Albert

Once upon a time there lived a handsome prince who hailed from the beautiful lands of Transylvania, the good half. While familar and comfortable the prince's home was frankly boring so he went out to seek entertainment else where in Cambridge, England. He lost his comfort and familiarity but things certainly got more interesting. Very interesting. A little too interesting in fact. We're getting ahead with ourselves.

The foreign lands of Cambridge offered very little in the way of friendship. A few people were fascinated by the Prince's more...unusual abilities but it could hardly be considered friendship. He did, however, manage to find himself two close companions: a young man named Richard and a beautiful princess named Sarah.

Over the years a very special bond developed between the prince and the princess. They went from friends, to close friends, to courting, and after the prince's short prison sentence (a different story for a different time) they became husband and wife. They settled down, started a small detective agency with the help of Sarah's friend Janice, and had a son. Thanks to the pair's joint lack of naming ability the child was christianed Svald, after the prince.

The child too started to show strange abilities but this didn't concern the family too much. Their entire union was founded upon strangeness. It was only when the child started day care that the trouble began. Some people tried to ignore the differences, some people were afraid of them, and some thought it would be a good idea to go blabbing to the government.

Luckily for the prince and his son it's pretty darn illegal to take a three year old out of the country against his parent's will. They never let him go despite all the enemies claims of offering a better life. The prince knew liars, his job relied on it, and there was no way on Earth he would hand his only child over so easily.

So in time the offers turned to threats. Either hand over the boy or face another jail sentence, this one much longer. But why do that? After all, the prince had powers just the same, they were strong and considerably more trained. Why take a boy when you could just as easily take a man? Apparently the organisation concerned, Blackwing they called themselves, rarely took anyone over the age of 15 (most likely because anyone over the age of 15 would be more aware of their rights). However, they made an exception for the prince. Royal blood does wonders you see.

Of course, the prince wasn't so stupid. He agreed to the arrangement in word only, never signed a single form,  and hatched a master plan for himself and his family. He moved them away as fast, all the way to Edinburgh, and as soon as he felt they were in the clear he bailed on the entire operation, escaping from Blackwing's  'safe' house in the middle of the night and breaking several bones in the process. He didn't leave his son completely empty handed though. He left a notebook containing all he wished the boy to know about him, the reasons why he had to leave him behind, and the name he would one day be able to find his father under: Dirk Gently. Then he headed to Cornwall alone.

He stayed in Cornwall completely cut off from his friend and his family for five years. They were long and lonely but he got by. Not daring to re-establish the agency he took a variety of jobs: once as a cook, for a while as an English teacher, and for one week only as a lion tamer (which is a story for when you're older). Eventually though his nerves calmed and he travelled to Scotland, hoping to be reunited with the woman he loved and the child he knew wouldn't remember him.

They were gone when he reached the little house he had left them at. Gone a whole year the neighbours said. Nobody knew what had happened to Sarah but rumour had it that young Svald Juniour had been taken to America, whisked away under false claims of abuse and neglect.

Devastated he returned to his empty home in London. He reopened the agency of course with the help of Janice and Richard. He soon found he had much less passion for it. Part of him always kept hoping that his gifts and his detectives skills would bring his family back home. He had no such luck. He never saw his beloved wife again and the universe took two decades to return his son. By this point time had stolen his childhood and made the prince fearful to feeling...anything. Instead he found himself trying to push the boy away again, hoping to restore the quiet status quo.

It's not a happy story, dear Albert, but it's the only one I know and so it's the only one I can tell.