The Ascension and the Punishment: Legend of Oblivioner. | #wattys2018

Chapter 7. Lost

    Your girlfriend is talking to her friends, in a nice cottage, and you decided to go to the cliff, to look at the beauty of the scenery of the sea-side. Wind blows strongly, making your clothes shake, waves beat on the cliff. The air feels slightly salty and very wet. The feeling of air whispers about great possibilities you have, about your bright future, it makes you think about close marriage, about your future kids, you think about all the happiness of care for them, all smiles you will see. You think about how they will get sometimes sick and how you will give your all to earn more money for them, to cure them better, how you will sit over their bed and look at them, weak and tired (them), then you think about how fascinating it would be to see them healthy again. You think about how nice it would be when they experience the first kiss at school, just like you did, then get profession and work, how they make true their own dreams and your dreams... You feel that their life will be full, just like yours. Will you really have dreams aside your kids' ones, when you have children? No, you won't. The breeze makes you feel all the power of your inside, you feel all mighty, you feel that you can everything and your word has a voice, it can be heard and it can change many things in the world around you. Yes, you realize what it is – to be a human. You realize yourself being something... Special. You are the one who got the right to live back then... Oh my God, you were the one who won the right to live over billions! And now you are born, all-special and all-mighty. You are fabulous, you are great, now you have somebody who needs you and loves you, you are creating own future as much as it's possible. You are God. You spread your hands and deeply inhale. The roar of waves follows your movements and lets you feel like you control them. You feel like you just need to wish, and everything you want will be fulfilled. Then you scream your feeling out, with a huge proud smile, your teeth are open for the outside world, you feel yourself as super powerful being.

    Then you feel like you are falling... You are really falling, the stones you stood on, are currently falling down, being broken out the cliff. You fall down and get greatly scared, remembering that you don't know how to swim... Your scream is not heard, it is mixed with roar of waves. Your chest is pressing you from inside, you keep screaming and you feel like praying. You would pray it to be a dream, a nightmare, you want to wake up. But sadly, it's not, and you won't wake up. You fall into the water, and regret gets over you. You feel what an asshole you are, what a terrible mistake you have made. Was this idea of enjoyment of nature worth it...? Was this nature worth your life ever? Then water comes into your mouth and nose. You feel pain as water makes irritation on your mucous membranes, especially because it's salty water. You feel how it all makes you out of powers, and you slowly sink. Wild headache and dizzying feeling make you sleepy and turn mind blur. You think about dreams you had, which would come true. You think about all quarrels and abuses you had and gaveto others during your life... You remember how you hurt people close to you, and you think that the last things they will remember of you is bad. Then you realize they won't care of it, as they actually never did after a short while as you got peace, the true value of this all is value to you. They will forget you in few years after your death. Maybe they will visit your graveyard, but it still will be the oblivion. They will visit you only because it's so in the society, they don't really need to visit you as they have their lives and need to live somehow, and they can postpone the visits exactly because you will lose your value... You again think about all dreams and ambitions you had during your life. Damn it, you were a patriot and even ploitical activist, you had many followers and people who divined you! And then... You remember your girlfriend. You remembered your first kiss, remembered your first touch, all the lusty whispers you calmly whispered to each other's ears... You think how your girlfriend will cry about you few months, maybe even years, then she will not willing to visit your grave because she doesn't want to feel pain or doesn't want you to "see" her crying... You realize that once in the future she will let somebody fulfil his dreams, and she will forget you. Because she will have love, she will have kids, she will have who she must care about, and forgetting you is an absolutely right thing for her in that case. All presents you gave her, all words you said her, all things you did for her will have no value, they even now are losing the value. All her body, her pussy, hair, hands, legs, breasts, her honour and cleanness are not for you, you lose it, it will all belong to somebody else. You just realise how worthless and useless your dreams of your kids are, of your achievements, how illusionary all this universe you could have created is, how illusionary you yourself are. You are not needed. You are needed only while you are able to workout your desires, while you can make your will real. While you want things yourself. With your disappearance, you fall into oblivion. Nobody needs you, and you sink... Even more... Then you feel huge pain, you begin struggling, you want to breathe, you begin inhaling even more water, it feels like burning your lungs. It feels like your skin is burnt by a pyre, but it is from the inside, and it makes you blindly forget all this thinking crap, you just swim up, you try to move how you would have swam out, you just want to finally get out of here, but sadly you can't anyway, sunlight disappears, and you don't know where to swim, you keep sinking and you scream for help. You feel uselessness in trying to save yourself, your biggest desire is to get out of here. You keep screaming and even crying, but nobody hears. Your girlfriend is probably even happy up there, talking to her friends about how you care of her and how other guys are looking at her, desiring to be on your place, but she denies, and she doesn't even know now you are sinking... Then you realize you are so worthless again, you are not worth to be with her, if can't even keep yourself alive, can'tbe able to give her your care. It is not that much honourful to die for a girl, much more honourful is to live for her. You keep sinking, helplessly... You reach the bottom. Then light of hope again pierces you, though your legs can't properly move any longer, it feels like the bones are knives which penetrate your meat, and you don't try to increase the pain by moving as it gets harder as you make any movement, but with every new wave of coming pain you realize you want to continue, there is nothing more than desire to stop your pain. Pain screams, pain takes you, you burn, then your lungs feel not only like in fire, but also penetrated by needles, so there is no more desire than to just leave here, and you move on the bottom, in desire to reach the shore. You know you won't, but... Why are you so sure? You keep climbing up the bottom, which lifts up, so you hope you get to the surface. Sunlight appears again, you feel less pressure of water... If you keep, you will get out of there... But then your hand dives into a hole, and you fall even deeper into the abyss. You try to scream, but it causes your tear of throat and lungs, you already begin bleeding and blood goes out of your mouth. And you fall into the underwater cave, where nobody will find you. You stop resisting. You are not worth to continue your line. Why did you make such a mistake that back then, you was the first spermatozoid, trying  to gain an egg cell? Why do you live if you are not even willing to live, making such a stupid mistake – going to a cliff to enjoy nature? Was it worth it? Even so – was you worth to enjoy the beauty of the world you dared to get born in? Were you worth to cause all suffers to the girl you have who you are now leaving? Are you worth her to even wait for you at all? It is not even about her keeping cleanness and honour for you after you die. She would continue your line, would let your genes represent in this world, so you would not disappear, not like your memory, genes would keep being presented on this planet, when memory of you stops existing. But you lose. You are losing. You are replaceable. If you loved her, you would not have died. It is the game over. You are dying. You must die. And not be found and buried.

    Then you try to move to circle yourself in the embryo pose, but it hurts so much that you without moving feel needles everywhere, and any movements is no longer available. You anyway can't order your body any longer. You are losing control over it. And then you feel sleepy... Very sleepy... You are falling asleep. You are sleeping. You see blur dreams, details of which you can't remember or understand. You have lost. And you disappear. As your dreams, your memory, your possibilities and chances, your chance to leave genes in the world.

    You've lost.

    One more soul enters the Black Hell of Oblivioner, crying about its past memories of the lost happiness and praying for happiness for its alive beloved. It doesn't love the light anymore, thinking it is something he can abuse. he wantys to cover in darkness, more and more. And so, Oblivioner begins his cure of this soul...