Living In The Past (Gabriel)

I Give Up

 Gabriel hesitated before knocking on the door and taking a deep breath. He had a small dish of pasta in his hands, bouncing nervously. He hadn't sat down for dinner with his father and all of his brothers in a long time. They'd always been too busy, or Gabriel was in a hospital, or Chuck was on a trip.

He had obsessed over looking normal and "okay" for this dinner. He didn't want to worry anyone. He had brushed his hair out and washed it really good, but didn't bother with any product or styling. He was in a star wars tee shirt and purple jeans, having impulsively bought them a couple months before and never worn them. And, he only had one pair of shoes; a pair of ratty old converse.

When Chuck opened the door, Gabriel attempted a smile. Chuck immediately hugged him. Gabriel had to resist the urge to cling to the familiar contact and sank into it instead, leaning forward as his father pulled from the embrace. Chuck smiled brighter and Gabriel knew he had expected him to push him away.

Gabriel lamely held up the dish, attempting a stronger smile. "You said to bring something, so I brought pasta... Is Cas here?"

"Of course. He's helping to cook the rest. And, pasta will fit perfectly in with the rest of the meal." Chuck patted Gabriel's shoulder before gently taking the dish and carrying it to the kitchen.

Gabriel relaxed, a bit relieved. He followed him in, smelling chicken. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had an actual meal. Not even after he got back. He withdrew and rarely ate with other people. So, it'd been a while.

Cas immediately ran over to hug Gabriel, grinning. "You came. I'm glad." Gabriel hugged back, once again sinking into the embrace and closing his eyes. He was trying not to seem touch-starved and was grateful when Cas made it last a little longer than normal before pulling away.

Gabriel offered to help cook and Cas set him to work with peeling potatoes, happily chatting with his brother. Gabriel realised how much he had missed this and relaxed again as part of the neverending ache laxed up. He chatted back, having a small easy smile after a couple moments.

Cas knew not to bring up certain things and Gabriel was grateful when he avoided them. Soon, Chuck joined the conversation, helping Gabriel out and showing tons of fatherly affection, which Gabriel was also grateful for.

After a while, their brothers slowly started to arrive, each carrying their own dish. Their sisters even showed up, though they left their husbands at home. Gabriel stayed in the kitchen, too sheepish to admit he was kind of hiding. Even though they were only his brothers, fifteen was a huge number in that small dining room.

Eventually, though, he sacked up and joined everyone at the table. A few brothers happily greeted him, some ignored him, and others avoided his eyes. Gabriel sat down between Chuck and Cas. He put food on his plate and immediately started eating while the rest of his family chatted with each other.

Gabriel stayed silent, mostly, and listened, tapping his foot. His mind strayed to his dog for a moment before coming back to dinner. He looked down at his plate and bit his lip, having already finished a first plate. He waited until everyone was preoccupied, before getting a bit more, mostly out of habit. He was used to having to sneak food, still. Especially with meals like this.

Gabriel saw Chuck frown out of the corner of his eye and withdrew back in on himself, frowning as well. He just went back to eating before hearing his father speak. "So, Gabe. How's everything been?"

Gabriel just shrugged, furrowing his brows. He wasn't sure how to answer that. "Um... I got a job, a couple of months ago. It's at the library, so it's quiet. It pays eleven an hour, but I want to pick up a second at the convenience store so I can afford to get a second dog." And, mostly to kill the endless free time he had.