Hetalia x Reader ONESHOTS

AU!Ill!Japan x Reader - Last Breath

Today was the day no one had been waiting for and I couldn't believe it was really happening.

Almost a year ago, while we were on our way to the mountains we used to play on, he suddenly collapsed and his body hitting the ground was something I could never get off my mind. Under that scorching sun, I stood frozen in utter shock while his figure was drenched with sweat on the ground, coughing and clutching his chest in pain. I've been feeling depressed ever since it happened on that sultry summer day because after he was taken to the hospital he never left that room anymore.

At the age of 14, my best friend, Kiku Honda, was told he was terminally ill, and even if he were to keep taking more medications, he would still not have long to live. He was also informed that his symptoms would get progressively worse and unbearably painful in the near future. The only way he could survive was to have a transplant surgery, but the waiting-list is far too long and he most likely would have died already before it even reached his turn.

Since he was so physically weak, his parents did not allow him to continue attending school. It was impossible for him to exert his body—even just a little—without breaking into a coughing fit. He was stuck in that small, white hospital room all by himself so I did whatever I could to visit him daily. I would bring him some manga that he'd like to read, or a box full of mochi from our favourite confectionery shop, or a few stories about stuff that happened at home or how was my new high school life going. All I wanted was to see him smile, genuinelysmile, not the forced smile he would show to people or even to myself whenever we appeared on his doorway to visit him.

We weren't able to play in the mountains like before, but taking care of Kiku was... fulfilling. It felt like he was depending on me for once. I used to always depend on him for everything, but now the tables have turned and I'm glad that I can finally be of some help to him. Still, it was frightening how his coughing fits were occurring so frequently and sometimes they were so intense he would end up forcefully coughing blood into the palm of his hands. I really wanted to lift his spirits up, but a sharp pain radiates from within my chest whenever I see Kiku looking out of the window, seemingly despondent of his current condition. And I hated myself for being so powerless against this terrible, debilitating illness he had contracted. I desperately wanted to free him from his white cage, but his deadly illness was keeping him fixed in place.

I've lost count on how many times I wished that this was all just a mere dream, but it wasn't and I couldn't stand the reality of the situation. It was worse when, towards the end of the year, I found out that his illness was in its last stages and that he only had until next spring to live. A few weeks after that horrifying revelation, I heard from my brother that Kiku proposed to have euthanasia before the time of his supposed death. Naturally, his parents strongly disagreed, but after knowing how he would die due to his illness they relented and reluctantly accepted his decision.

Kiku decided to have euthanasia due to not wanting to suffer as he dies from his terminal illness. I understood that but I still couldn't stop the tears from falling no matter how hard I try. I was slowly losing my best friend against this accursed disease and it hurts—so, so much... I couldn't bear seeing my best friend slowly withering away in his bed at the hospital as months passed by. My visit to the hospital became less and less until I stopped coming altogether. At some point, I heard my brother complain to me that Kiku had been feeling lonely, but I shrugged him off and locked myself in my bedroom, shunning everyone and everything.

The days appeared so dark and gloomy. It was agonizing to wake up every day and count down how many days Kiku had left to live. I badly wanted to see him, talk to him like I used to, but seeing his pale face smiling gently at me makes my heart clench in pain and sadness. Why was he always smiling? Was it to reassure me? But, what about him? Isn't he supposed to be the one who is hurting the most physically and mentally? He had never told me how he was truly feeling, instead he would attempt to cover it with a smile because all he cared about was others! He was so selfless even though he was the one who was in a critical condition. In comparison to him, I... am the total opposite. My heart broke at the sudden understanding that a person like me doesn't deserve to stand by someone as pure as him. Still, I could accept that! I would accept anything just, just don't take Kiku away from me! Even if he doesn't reciprocate my love for him, as long as he lived in the same world as me, I would have been fine with it...