A Basket Full of Bats

Cat Claws and Quirks

The whole family knew Batman and Catwoman had a thing going on. The bat family protocol was to pay attention to the problems likely to end up in death, injury and massive property damage and let family members do their own thing as long as no one got hurt.

So Damian waved an ancestral sword at shrubbery from time to time. No biggie. The family was getting used to the continual utterance of death threats too.

Stephanie was attracted to bad boys. She actually thought Tim was attractive when he was smashing the stuffing out of a thug, he was just a little young for her. She herself was a good person. She'd even turned her underworld dad in to the cops under the vigilante guise of Spoiler when he was about to get in over his head in some really nasty stuff. She just happened to think bad boys had a certain chemistry about them.

Tim had his books organized by the Dewey decimal system and his vigilante equipment sorted on a outlined peg board. He liked to iron his undergarments. He wasn't hurting anything.

Carrie fibbed. She was really bad at it so the Bat clan would usually just nod and smile as if they didn't notice the latest ridiculous story was complete fiction unless it was something important. Of course her parents knew where she was. Oh yeah, that F on your history paper is totally an A that got smeared. You don't need glasses you just think you look cool in them?

("She realizes they're major coke bottles doesn't she?" / "Shut up Tim. Jason stop snickering. Whatever insulting thing you were about to spout Damien we don't need to hear it.")

Cassie hid sharp objects. She didn't use them. She just hid them.

Jason liked to burn things. He kept it to the fire place. It was usually just his homework or something really ugly or Tim's homework. (There was a reason Tim filled out his homework in duplicate. He and Jason had been scrapping.) Jason knew how to use a fire extinguisher.

Then, during some playful banter on the roof top of a museum Catwoman fainted and the Bat family reconsidered the, it's not a big deal unless it's a big deal policy. It turns out, extravagant cat claw fingernails and condoms, weren't a great mix.

"There's no way I'm pregnant," Catwoman denied. Batman had brought her to Doc Leslie's free clinic when she fainted. Healthy people don't generally faint.

"My dear, your urine test came back positive. I can feel you uterus above your pelvic bone and if you give me a moment, I can probably let you hear the baby's heart beat with this Doppler..."

"ba dum, ba dum, ba dum, ba dum..." the baby's tiny heat announced loud and strong.

"If you want a firm dating it's a quiet night and no one's using the ultrasound," offered Leslie. The offer was more for Batman's benefit than Catwoman.

Batman nodded at Catwoman who looked terrified. She parroted his nod.

"This works better with a full bladder but I'll see what I can do."

Batman and Catwoman looked at each other. She'd been drinking milk most of the evening in a rather flirty fashion. Did that count?

"I'm suddenly glad the bottle of chardonnay is still in the Batmobile," whispered Batman sounding rather more flustered than he'd ever sounded while wearing pointy ears, a long black cape and a utility belt.

They both fell silent as they watched a tiny baby on a grainy black and white display doing flips and kicking.

"I've got a little acrobat inside me," Catwoman spoke in shock.

And another tiny baby sleeping and sucking it's thumb.

Batman made a little meep noise that he'd never before in his life made.

"Twins. When was the first day of your last cycle?" Doctor Leslie asked.

Catwoman started counting on her fingers, thinking back to other dates and events.

"That's a boy and that one's a girl," announced Batman who was still staring at the ultrasound.

"Idiot," Doctor Leslie protested swatting Batman on the arm. "You don't tell unless the mother wants to know. Some people like surprises."

"I don't like surprises," retorted Batman.

"They're not your babies," responded Doc Leslie.

"Ummm.." answered both Batman and Catwoman.

Doctor Leslie's eyes widened.