my boy - tracob

fifteen

Troye sees the reviving of love creep back into Jacob's heart. He sees it appear more and more each day like a clingy school girl with a boy crush. Troye still tells him that he loves him everyday. When he wakes up, when he leaves, when he comes home, when he dances funny because their favorite playlist is blasting through the cheap speaker Troye got at a gas station. 

The recovery is there. Peaking like the sun over mountain tops at the crack of dawn. When Troye tells him he loves him, Jacob spreads a genuine smile across his face and kisses him as a thank you and I care for you.

Being in love with Jacob is the easiest thing to do since his bad highschool experience. He trusts him to the upmost full extent. The feeling is mutual for Jacob, too.

Troye doesn't mean to eavesdrop when he walk by their bedroom on lazy afternoon. An hour earlier, Jacob was pale and flushed, like he had seen a very much fatal car accident.  Troye took recongition but all the older man said was he was exhausted and needed to just lay down, and got up and trugged out of the room. Troye gave him the space and bisied himself with tidy work that didn't need to be done, but it was done anyways for the sake of his sanity.

So when Troye hears some of the familiar sniffles that only come from a certain hazel eyed man; worry ovetakes his whole self. His thoughts rage to fault himself for Jacob's being upset. Its all his fault, you can't force someone to love themselves.  Stupid Troye, stupid boy. He only wanted his better and happy. Fuck, was all he could think. 

He tapped on the door lightly, but paused whe he heard a cracked voice, "He loves me, and I care for him so much. It's so hard, I want to say I love him. I want to say it over and over until we die but I'm so so tired mom." 

He left for comfort for his mommy. The only person to show real acceptence in his life. Troye's heartbeat slows and his skin starts having a better color than before.

"No, mom, he isn't forcing be to do anything. He only wants me happy and healthy, he's absolutely great and caring and loving and more that I deserve... I know mom I'm trying so hard." Sob. "I just need to get everything off my chest... thank you mom, I love you so much, yeah? Bye bye."

Troye knocks again, adding a bit more pressure. He doesn't open the door until he hears a timid, 'come in love.' He gives him a sad smile and sits criss-cross apple sauce infront of Jacob. He doesn't speak, just rubs into Jacob's knuckes soothingly.

"I'm so sorry Troye." 

He looks up to find Jacob looking back at him. "No no, none of that. I love you because I love you. I don't need to hear words back for me to be able to love you, yeah? I know you care for me. We take care of eachother in the best of ways without needing to say three little words."

At least Jacob starts to look like he's breathing again.

___

It's five years old again, and Jacob's hiding in the hallway closet. All smiles, no worries and his father searching for him in a game.

It's twelve years old in a car with his father jamming to the latest style of music.

It's fifteen years old. Gainging confidence in who he is, coming to realizations. Telling his father how he feels about certain people with big smiles.

It's five minutes after his confession and he hears screaming then a door slam.

It's sixteen years old, heart cold. Modeling for some of the dumbest fashion brands. Having no emotion about anything.

It's eighteen years old, leaving the disgustng place so many memories taughnt him at. Leaving his loving mother behind with a kiss to the cheek. Never looking back once.

___

Jacob sometimes takes time to realize the things and changes in his life around him. Often asking himself that if he never would have come out to his dad, he woiuld still have a great relationship. He was always a good actor with things, he could have found a pretty girl to cling on his hip for show. Sex would still be the same, a warm hole is a warm hole, right?

But as his thoughts come to vulgar thoughts of what could've been and what should've happened, he stops thinking. Jacob then takes those times to breathe in the scent of his lovely boyfriend he is falling so deeply for. It's so easy for him now. Just like it was so easy for Troye to allow Jacob to touch him in a trusting way. He takes those times to kiss him, put every passionate cell in his body and transfer it into the beautiful snog him and Troye create.

He holds him extra tight at night, kissing softly in his hair and nipping his neck slightly. Jacob takes those times to listen to all the stories Troye has to offer. He takes in to strong accent that is Troye and memorizes it to implant in his brain. Saving it for a rainy day. 

Jacob knows he is so deep and gone from Troye alone. Jacob has self love rituals to help him get to the point where he needs and wants to be with every fiber in himself. He spends everyday rubbing lotion over scars while staring in the mirror at himself. It all sounds silly, but for Jacob, it's all recovery and being able to reciprocate Troye's words back.

Everything starts to fall into place. Dates are becoming a frequent occurance almost everyday of the week. Troye is so in love with Jacob. They hold hands in public, snog in the park, snog on the swings, laugh at each other when one of the trips over air. It's so great for both of them together. 

At night, when all the stars show and a full moon is shining through the leaves of the trees above, Troye and Jacob stay extra late out in the park and act like sixteen year olds ina silly high school relationship. They both know that's not at all what this is, but it's always fun to pretend when you're responsible adults. They dance under the starts and kiss slowly. Troye sings Jacob lovely tunes from Audrey Hepburn's old films they love to watch together.

The feeling of eachother is so refreshing. Like sipping ice cold water after standing out in the sun for hours in the heat of summer. Constantly always touching, knowing they would die with the lack of one another.

"Thank you Troye."

"I love you Jacob."

"Me too."

It's not the exact words, but it's enough for both of them to smile and giggle while the butterflies flutter in their stomachs.