taping eggshells

five\his hero

Five\his hero

            Mila is beautiful.

Her eyes are not like mine, or Flynn's, or Julie's. They hold nothing back and open up to me and I feel like I'm flipping through the pages of her book. And she's strong—so strong that I feel just as equally weaker. I'm scared to look at Mila because I know if I look long enough I will be reminded of Julie and feel disgusted and repulsed. Because the more I look and see Mila's beauty, the more I think of Julie and her hideousness.

            And then I'm drowning, Flynn, like a fish on land.

---

There was someone else Coan loved.

I was sure because he didn't hold me in his arms after we made love. He stayed on the same bed as me of course, because he was kind, but he didn't cradle me in his arms. I sensed it like a fact as I looked at him sleeping in the orange and pink of dawn.

He didn't touch me and his arms were lying on top of each other, like they were holding him together.

I should have known it then to stop the growing feelings, to push myself away and get as far as possible from the boy who already loved someone else.

But I stayed and looked at him, remembering his every part with my eyes, his every corner and nook, round and bend.

His eyes fluttered open as if he could feel me trying to keep part of him in my memory.

He stared at me in a daze, like he was forgetting time and place.

There was a gentle smile.

"Hey." He said quietly, as if volume would destroy something beautiful that was there.

I smiled and curled up in a fetal position because he still didn't touch me. I was cold, but I didn't want to leave his distant presence.

"Hey." I whisper back.

Coan moved so that we're a little closer but he still didn't touch me.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

Why aren't you holding me? Who is the girl you love?

"You." I respond.

He chuckled and ran a hand through my messy hair. Every cell in my body screamed out from the touch, from the sprinkles of warmth he sent through me.

"Tell me about you, about your past." I said, closing my eyes to soak up the warmth better.

Coan didn't speak for a moment and I felt him contemplating how to open himself to me. I kept my eyes closed because I was scared that I might see rejection on his face.

"Okay then." His voice echoed next to my ear as he leaned in for a soft kiss on my cheek.

I felt him as he turned and faced the ceiling, his weight shifting the bed so that I gravitated slowly towards him.

"Story time." He whispered.

And then it begins, and I find out about Coan and Flynn, and about Julie.

---

Coan and Flynn were born as identical twins.

He said his mother had only wanted one child, but when she gave birth there were two. Coan said that the hate his mother had for him and Flynn must have started there, way before their birth. He said it must have been when she was at the doctor's, finding out alone that the child she had finally decided to give birth to was not one child but two children. She must have felt afraid and so very isolated when she was told.

"But she gave birth to both of you." I said, hoping to offer Coan some comfort.

Coan looked at me with no anger or bitterness, without a pinch of emotion.

"It was too late for an abortion." He told me, stating it like it was simply a fact.

"But she didn't give you guys up for adoption."

He thought for a moment and said gentlly, "She saw us as investments Mila."

He must have recognized the instant of shock and disgust that passed through my emotions because he touched me cheek gently and smiled.

"She wanted to see what we could become. Were we just going to fail like our father or would we become like her. She didn't love us."

I turned away and soaked it in. Coan should have been sad, should have showed pain when he talked but there was none of that and I felt afraid that he was so cold, so distant from his own pain.

But then I turned around and the story continued.

Coan and Flynn grew up inseparable, always together, never apart.

In Coan's opinion Flynn was like a superhero, like the ideal version of himself that he always attempted to be. Flynn was his mother's favorite and always protected Coan from everything.

He told me about the time that he almost died as a child.

They were five and wanted to get fresh apples from a large apple tree. Flynn climbed up the tree first and then Coan followed. But the height of the tree was too tall and his fingers were losing grip from the sweat pouring out of his palms.

"I can't do it Flynn!" Coan had called out, stepping onto a branch nearby for rest. 

He had wanted to go down but the good apples were higher up where Flynn was heading.

"Common Coan!" Flynn had yelled.

And Coan tried to keep going but then the branch beneath his feet began to snap.

"Flynn!" Coan screamed out, hands desperately clinging to what was left of the tearing branch.

Flynn reached him in a flash, Coan said as he thought about the way Flynn grabbed him and pulled him to a safe branch nearby. There was something in that memory that changed Coan's feelings towards Flynn because before that Flynn was just a brother and his mirror image.

After Flynn saved him though, he knew Flynn was much, much more and he would have to return the favor, no matter what.

Emotions were in his eyes then, like a blazing fire. But beyond the mix of hurt, determination, love and admiration, there was something darker, pushing up from behind.

It was hatred.

Pure, dark, hatred.

Because Flynn was dead. 

----

Author's note:

Hi! so did you catch how in the beginning Flynn's intro in this chapter was similar to his intro in chapter three about Julie. But notice how in chapter three, Flynn said Julie was beautiful and in this one he says she's hideous. haha, if you're curious keep going and you'll find out why!

also, what do you guys think of Coan's mother and the relationship between Coan and Flynn?

let me know in the comments section below :)

dont forget to vote, share and comment!