taping eggshells

eleven \\ like fireworks

a/n: this chapter will show more of jay's character. hope you like it. oh and I updated the story with some nice banners on the side of previous chapters that other people and I have made for this story. check them out and show some love ;D

I was once close to asking Julie what led her to the decision to chose Flynn when we both loved her. That day Flynn was inside the house, looking for his jacket so that the three of us could go shopping for groceries. Julie and I sat on the front steps of my house, me staring at her and her being oblivious, watching cars zoom by.

I was about to betray myself and reveal to her the small hidden part of me that couldn't help but be jealous the brother who looked exactly like me but had the love of his life while I only watched.

I supposed in that moment I would have asked.

But the truth is, I already knew the answers. Because in reality Flynn and I were completely different.

He would not hesitate to hold her hand, to shield her and tell her promises he could actually keep. I couldn't do all those things and so even if Flynn and I looked exactly alike, Julie would surly choose Flynn each and every time.

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I watched Coan stand alone on the beach.

His arms were relaxed by his side and his head was tilted back so that his eyes stared straight ahead at the night sky. What was he thinking while he watched so steadfast the clouds movingly while the waves greeted his bare feet?

Next to me Jay chatted with Anna, their quiet murmuring making me slightly jealous. I could not outwardly tell Coan anything along the lines of love like they could. Digging into the chicken on my plate before me I sulked silently.

"What's wrong with you?" Jay asked as I tore at the chicken breast.

"Nothing." I grunted, not bothering to meet his eyes.

"Someone's not enjoying her break." Jay smirked and the glanced at Coan. His smirk seemed to falter for a second before he quickly looked away and then back at Anna.

"Let's see if we can do something about that." Anna said with a mysterious smile. "Be right back."

Jay and I watched as Anna went into the house, flickering the lights on as she past so that the windows lit up one by one, signaling her path.

"So, what's actually going in your head?" Jay asked, taking a sip of his spiked drink.

"Nothing."

"Common, don't lie, you have a habit of avoiding my eyes when something's going on and you don't want me to tell."

I met his eyes fiercely just to prove him wrong. "Not lying." I said as I stared into his eyes. He smirked when he saw my gaze shake just a little.

"What are you hiding Mila?" He asked, voice beckoning to share. But I couldn't. How could I tell him I just realized I liked Coan and that I was jealous of Jay easily being able to tell someone else he liked her?

"I was just thinking, maybe I should stop this lifestyle of sleeping around." I said, suddenly feeling awkward. It was true though. Now that I felt like I knew I liked Coan, that I was capable of liking someone again, I didn't feel like sleeping with random guys was a good choice anymore.

Jay was silent for a while and in the partial darkness I couldn't read the emotions that were passing through his features. He turned from me, swallowed his drink in one motion and then stared at me with eyes that glowed. He almost seemed angry.