Half Way Happy | E.D

2.

six months ago

"bexley, is everything okay?" my best friend, iridessa, checks in on me. after all i'm being kinda quiet.

"uh yeah. i'm just paying attention to the lesson" i fake smile.

"bex, you never pay attention in school. what's wrong."

"i can't stop thinking about him." i lay my head down.

"who, ethan?" she whispers as low as possible, making sure nobody hears.

"yeah." i sigh.

"forget him, he's-"

"iridessa."

"what?"

"you know that's not easy for me. you're my best friend. you already know everything about me. you know that i can't just-"

"you're right, i do know all of that. but at this point that's all i can say. i know you don't listen to my advice" she laughs. i laugh along, but my brain is so filled, it's not really laughing.

okay. so let me fill you in on who ethan is, exactly. not long ago, me and ethan were a thing. but we only lasted for almost ten months. he was my everything. maybe he still is.

i know he's moved on.

and i've tried to.

i had a boyfriend, austin.

but i realized i wasn't happy with him. he didn't treat me like he wanted me for me. he only wanted my body.

so i ended things with him. he's gone.

and now i'm back to ethan.

to be honest, ethan never left my mind. even when i was dating austin. but it doesn't matter. he doesn't miss me. he doesn't care.

and don't start with the whole "do you know that for sure? did you hear him say it?"

no he never told me that. but he told austin. ethan used to talk crap about me to him all the time, while austin and i were together.

iridessa always assumed it was because ethan missed me, and that he was tryna make himself think he hated me. but he never could.

did i mention that ethan and austin are best friends? yea. so you can only imagine how many names i had been called.

didn't bug me though.

but then there were other times. the times that austin and i would fight. or if i was angry at all, or maybe just moody because of my period. austin always went to ethan, asking for advice. ethan always told him what to do, how to make me feel better. it's like ethan kept austin and i's relationship running, in a way.

i used to be in drama, for the school. i worked backstage.

so in this little scenario, it's like austin and i were the actors. we went on stage, played our part, in front of the public. but ethan was working backstage. he kept the show going, making sure it ran smoothly.

but there were also the times ethan trashed me. he'd say the worst stuff ever.

i've cried myself to sleep so many times.

i need him in my life.

but i'll only be one thing to him.

and that's his past.