diary.➣ me

(IMPORTANT)

I don't how to put this into words, but..

I've been trying to recover myself from emotional and mental stress.

I stay away from social media as much as possible, (coming back for a little bit), it's been affecting me a lot to be constantly be on social media for long. I need some time to myself, to stop myself from breaking down every 2 minutes, and stop covering up my crying as many pathetic excuses I've come up so far.

My life is a mess, I can't sort out anything in real life, my room's a mess, my grades are decreasing drastically over the past month, and overall, the exams are coming up in 3 months and I can't help myself but to overthink all the negativity if I failed. 

From the beginning of Feb, my health became low that I missed several classes and I still need to catch up on. And then the stress arrived, followed with panic and anxiety attacks before I sleep, eventually leading into fatigue. This is not just one problem. I've been crying for this past month, my eyes burning most of time, thinking to myself, 'wow i'm a failure.'

I shouldn't even live. 

What purpose do I have? Just being a waste of space?

All these thoughts came haunting me as I fought againest these. These are just few, but I couldn't help myself but to harshly criticize myself. These thoughts won't even turn off whenever I wanted to sleep, it's just too overwhelming.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. 

For letting you all down.

I listened to hixtape, it helped me (a little since it released few days ago) and starting to feel normal bit by bit, slowly progressing. To sum it up, I'm going on a mini hiatus on wattpad until the end of march, to clear my doubts and my constant headaches. I'll be back, don't worry.

Thank you to all the people who supported my books, it means a lot ! I can't quite express my gratitude to the people who took their time to read my books, I'm honestly surprised when people read what I write bullshit. I will come back at March 29 and spoil you guys.

I just need to piece my broken life together.

Anyways, stay warm and heathy and be happy ! 

-audre.