The Harrington Series Book#2: Naila's Misfortune

Chapter 30: Déjà vu*

"Where are you going?"

I stopped walking and so did Bas at the sound of Nick's deep voice. My son hid behind me. It was the way Nick is looking at him. After Ferrer left, he locked himself away and it pained me that I had encouraged him. Knowing what I had done, I went to his room late at night to console him. Let's just say things got out of control. The consolation was the hottest sex we have ever had.

"I thought it would be best if we left."

He gazed at my son in an unusually loving manner. Nick has always displayed a void of emotion but if he lets you in, he is the most loving guy I know. I have no doubt in my mind he will make a great dad some day.

"Would it be better if I left?" He asked. "You can stay here. I have a dozen more houses I can live in. Where are you even going?"

"I don't know yet. I guess the journey will evolve one step at a time."

"You were never one to plan ahead. You are now a mom and whether you like it or not you have to plan ahead " He came closer lacing our fingers together. "I love you. You know that. So please let me take care of you. Let me provide for you. Let me protect you Naila. You and Bas don't have to leave. You can stay here and make this place your home."

The offer is better than me facing the unknown but Nick and I had ran our course to the finish. Other than steamy sex, there is nothing between us.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it but I think we've reached that point in our relationship where we need to let go. I know you want to hold on and hope there's something but our flame burned out."

"Is that why you came into my bedroom last night? Was our flame burned out then?" He asked bitterly.

My cheeks burned slightly.

"Why don't you go watch some cartoons sweetie." I urged my son who is faithfully eavesdropping on us.

After he was gone, Nicks lips didn't waste time to take mine over. We ended three years of celibacy from each other last night. It felt good and right but I can't love him; not the way I love Cole.

I gently broke away pressing my palms firmly against his chest.

"This can't happen. You know that. We tried and it didn't work out."

"I'll be a better man. I'll compromise in whatever you need me to but please, per favore, don't leave me."

"What happens if I stay? Play it out for me."

"We take it slow."

"We flew before we could walk. We don't know how to take it slow when we have a propensity to escalate quickly."

"I know we aren't wired like other people but this time I'll make it my personal mission to take it slow. We can stay here or anywhere else in the world. Just name it and I'll make it happen. I'll do my best to treat Bas like my own. We don't have to go public if you don't want to. We can hide forever."

"What about our friends? What do we tell Tony? Your mom? My dad? Cole? What do we say?"

"We don't owe anyone an explanation."

"What about your company? Will you just leave it?"

"I don't have to be there all the time. I can check in occasionally. Naila, we have nothing to lose if we try."

He is right but I am not into it, at least not with both feet. If I say yes, I will only end up hurting him a few years down the line. It is better to cut the rope now before we both invest too much.

"Nickolas," I cupped his face. "You're an amazing man. I can't imagine how difficult this situation is but I know you'll meet a good girl. I know you're bound to find happiness. It's just not with me and I hope you understand."

He took a step back reaching into the pocket of his sweat pants. He held up the diamond ring he had proposed with.

"When you called me and asked me for help, my first instinct was to save you no matter the cost. I was I'm ready to push Katerina aside for you. Three years in a relationship with her and I was going to throw that away for you. That's how much I love you Naila. I brought this ring with me because I want to ask you a question."

"Nickolas don't do this to yourself. Please." I tried to plead but he was already down on one knee holding out the ring.

"For the last time, please answer me honestly and this moment will never be repeated again. Naila Bellingerre, will you please, please give me the honour of being your husband?"

It feels like déjà vu all over again.

That summer afternoon he proposed in the drawing room of the Bellingerre Manor played back. I feel the same things I had felt then... The push and pull of a yes or no. What is right for me? What is right for Bas? What is right for him? Where would Cole fit into all this?

There is so much to consider but the bottom line is exactly what Ferrer said. Saying yes to Nickolas will be choosing. Cole will hate him. Ferrer will likely side with Cole. Bruce will die for Nick. That leaves Tony stuck between a friend and his brother only that he doesn't know the latter just yet. Not only will my selfish need to be cared for and to feel safe drive a rift between friends but also between two men I care about.

I can't allow my selfishness to take over.

I would rather live looking over my shoulder scared to death that I am not safe or sleep hungry living hand to mouth than living in luxury at the expense of Nick and Cole hating each other.

"No."

Yes, it is déjà vu all over again down to my answer.

The disappointment weighed him down as his shoulders dropped and he cast his gaze downward.

He slowly rose opening my palm and placing the ring there.

"Take it. I have no use for it. Hold on a moment." He left for the bedroom and returned a little while later. "Here."

I received the envelop from him. There is a passport in there.

"Katerina and I thought it best you disappear. I didn't know about Bas when I had that made. I don't know the name used in there. I promise myself that if your choice is to disappear then I will not look for you nor will I tell anyone where you are."

I opened the passport and smiled at the name choice.

"Thank you."

"Just promise me you'll be careful. Keep your head down. Blend in. Do you know where you're going? No... Don't tell me."

I had thought of some place tropical. Rio is more of what I had settled on. If not, then Havana. I had also thought of Panama.

"Thank you Nick."

"Don't thank me, I'm only doing right by you. Take care." He touched my face kissing my cheek fondly. "If you need me, call me."

"I won't call. It won't be fair to you. This is goodbye Nickolas."

"Goodbye Naila."

I called my son and we left the safety and comfort of the chalet.

Once again we are on our own.